Ugly,fat,stupid,whore,freak,waste of space.Those are just a few of the many things I get called on a day to day basis.It didn't really occur to me how much those words really hurt until I was all alone like usual and got a chance to think about it. That's when I started to notice it. I was slowly but surely slipping into depression. It consumed me,sucked me in leaving nothing behind,not even a clue of what I once was.
At first I didnt really notice the change.It started with my eating habits.I started to notice that I wasn't eating as much as I usually did and I was even skipping meals all together.The craziest part is that I didn't even mind because I didn't feel hungry. I didnt WANT to eat.I realized that the hate that I harbored towards myself was growing greater and was feeding the depression making it stronger.The next thing I noticed was that I was losing the disire to talk to people,even my parents.The funny thing is though, that they didnt even notice that I was slowly dieing on the inside.It was like the fact that I never came out of my room for diner,and I never left my room priod wasnt a sign that something was wrong.
It's a weird feeling......depression. I can feel it slowly eating away at me. The thing about depression that they never tell you though,is that once it has you it's never letting you go. Depression is a comideian in fact its rather funny.See you think that you have finally got away...that you are finally getting better and then it yanks you back to remind you who is in charge.It reminds you that you are no longer yourself...a free human.You BELONG to depression,you ARE your depression. Once you realize that depression has won you start to think...darker thoughts.Thoughts of suicide and just death in general.You dont care about the people around you the people that say they love you but dont see the evident signs of self-destruction written on your face.All you want is the pain to stop to end the hallow feeling inside that can never be filled.You just want it all to end to get away from depression and to win. You want to be free from its claws that hold you down and suffocate you until you are left unconscious. You hate yourself even more because the thing that is causing your destruction is your only friend. Depression is your end not your beginning but it is so convincing with its promises of happiness and love as long as you do what you are told and just give in.Just give in completely and give depression control and quit fighting back stop trying to break free cause it's not going to happen!
Ugly,Fat,Stupid,Whore,Freak,Waste Of Space
