LOST BOY (Part 3 of 3)

♡♥︎

As the smile fell from your face, I fell with it
Our faces blue
There's a heart stain on the carpet
I left it, I left it with you

He opened his eyes slowly, reaching for his glasses. His head was pounding, but he sighed with relief. It was just a dream. It was all a dream. He flicked on the lamp next to him as tears began to leave his eyes. At least in his dreams he was loved. At least he got the chance to be in love with him.

Yeah, the truth is that I'm sorry
Though I told you not to worry
I'm just some dumb kid
Trying to kid myself
That I got my shit together

He looked at a picture taken just a week before his death. His best friend's eyes sparkled in the light, his brown hair slightly covering his face.
"I'm so sorry," he choked out, barely able to whisper. He told him not to come over. He was fine. He could deal with it on his own. But, of course, his blue eyed best friend didn't listen. And all he was left to do is grieve.

So go get running, won't you hurry
While it's light out, while it's early
Before I start to miss, any part of this
And change my mind forever

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" his sister asked as he continued to stuff his suitcase with his belongings.
"I'm positive. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I am a functional adult after all," he replied.
"If you insist," she mumbled, brushing her lavender hair out of her bright green eyes. "Be safe, okay?"
"I will, I promise," he said. She enveloped him in a hug and he was out of the door. The sun hurt his eyes as he ran to the bus stop. He had to be out of this town before anyone could tell him not to go. He had to leave to forget. He had to fast and he had to leave now, because there were no second chances left for him.

I say I want to settle down
Build your hopes up like a tower
I'm giving you the run around
I'm just a lost boy
Not ready to be found
Not ready to be found
I'm just a lost boy
Not ready to be found

He sat on the bus, staring out the window. All he could think of was his confession. The day he told his best friend that he was in love with him. The day he said he was finally ready to be in a relationship. The day he decided he was finally ready to put his heart on the line and dive in. The day his best friend's crystal blue eyes lit up brighter than ever before. The day he finally let himself hope.

But he wasn't ready. He was too scared, but too prideful to admit it. He didn't want to end up like his parents. He didn't want to be stuck in a potentially abusive relationship for the next 20 years, trying to protect his children from their father that had caused them to fear for their lives. He was lost and scared and confused and in love. And he wasn't ready for anyone to find him and try to fix it.

I don't care much for locks on the window
To keep me at bay
I leave you one last kiss on your pillow
'fore I fly away

He sat down on his balcony, looking out to the city below him. It was a cool, rainy day and he watched droplets fall around him. The wind blew through his hair as he watched cars drive around the buildings, orange and red leaves fall off autumn trees, and people fall in love for the first time.

He zipped up the hoodie that formerly belonged to his first love, the one he wanted to stay with forever. It smelled like cinnamon and vanilla– the way he always smelled. It always made him feel nostalgic, but it was just one of those days. The winds were calm, the sound of the rain was soothing, it wasn't necessarily dreary outside. It was a day that reminded him of all of the things he tried to abandon. All of the things he could never forget. But the atmosphere put him at peace with it, and he let himself be comforted by the memories that normally suffocated him.