Pacified

(3) Burden

    I woke up to the intense sound of thunder crashing through the air. My breathing was erratic and beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I had just woken from one of my recurring nightmares. Visions of my father's abuse clouded my mind as I wrapped the sheets tightly around my body. Tears rolled down my face and dripped down onto the sheets. I bit my lip in an attempt to stay quiet but accidentally let a loud sob escape my lips as the thunder roared again. I couldn't keep the sobs from escaping my lips as I replayed the dream in my mind.

My father's black leather belt, the strange people in the house at ungodly hours, and the images of broken beer bottles stained my vision. The dream seemed so real. Years of abuse led to memories that seemed to be impossible to erase. There was no way I could ever go back to my father's home. I had been gone for less than a day but I knew that going back wasn't an option.

I wiped my tear-stained face on the sheets before another sob escaped my lips. I gasped when the door to the bedroom opened suddenly. My heart raced as a figure appeared in the doorway and I let out a small squeak as the figure moved closer.

"Relax, love. It just me, Louis," The figure spoke. Louis flicked the bedroom light on. I let out a sigh of relief but my heart was still racing and I was aware of the tears that continued to run down my cheeks. I tensed up as Louis moved closer. I pulled my knees to my chest and created a mental escape plan. I didn't know Louis or his intentions, I didn't know if I could trust him, and I didn't know why he was in the room in the middle of the night. The last thing I wanted was for any of these men to see me looking so vulnerable. I was having a panic attack.

I felt the end of the bed dip down as Louis sat on it. My entire body trembled and my chest rose and fell rapidly. It felt like the walls were closing in. My head was pounding and my chest was clenching from the lack of oxygen.

"Shh, love. You're okay. Nothing is going to hurt you. I won't let anything happen. You're safe." Louis whispered. I flinched as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Sobs continue to wrack my body despite his words. I didn't believe Louis, I couldn't believe Louis. He was going to hurt me like my father. Crying and showing weakness was wrong. I yelped and held my hands up in defense as Louis raised his hand.

"Please don't, I promise I'll try harder. Just don't hit me!" I sobbed out, hands still raised to block Louis' strike.

Louis slowly lowered his hand.

"I wasn't going to hit you, I'd never do that, never. I was just going to move your hair," Louis whispered. "You're going to make yourself sick if you don't breathe properly." Louis said gently, trying not to upset me more.

"Put your hand on my chest, love," Louis ordered gently, waiting for me to place my hand on his chest over his white t-shirt. Not wanting to be beaten, I complied. I cautiously placed my cold and trembling hand over his heart. "Good girl, now breathe with me," he ordered, placing his warm hand over mine. "In...out...in...out..." he coaxed. I tried my best to match his breathing but my entire body was trembling and I was having a difficult time focusing.

"You're doing great little one," Louis cooed. For some reason this one sentence made me feel a whole lot better. I could see the sincerity in Louis' eyes and in that moment I knew everything was going to be okay.

I was startled when a loud crash of thunder shook the house. Louis quickly pulled me into his lap and held me tightly. In a healthy mental state, I would have tried to escape his grasp but I was too panicked to fight it. I leaned back into his chest and tried to relax my muscles. Louis' chest moved in time with his breaths and I tried to copy them.

Louis just held me on his lap on the bed for an hour while I calmed down. I had never had anyone help me with my panic attacks before. My dad would always just scream at me or beat me for being weak but Louis seemed to genuinely care for me.

Suddenly I felt bad. I had probably woken Louis up. I was such a burden. I was too needy and too high maintenance. I needed to leave before I caused any more trouble for these men.

I squirmed, trying to get out of Louis' lap but he continue to hold on to me.

"Where are you going, love," Louis questioned. I could hear the exhaustion in his voice. Damn, why am I such a bother?

"I'm going to leave. I've caused enough trouble." I sighed, squirming out of his grip and walking over to where my clothes sat drying on the windowsill.

"You haven't caused any trouble at all. I love caring for you. I don't get to take care of people very often," Louis explained, walking over to where I was. I looked down at the cold, damp clothes in my trembling hands and sighed.

"Thank you, Louis. Really. You're amazing and all but I really need to go. I'll just find a motel or something," I reasoned.

"No. Absolutely not. I'm not going to let a little girl like you go out into a thunderstorm in wet clothes in the middle of the night in London," Louis said firmly. I jumped back slightly, startled. Louis shook his head before looking into my wide eyes.

"I didn't mean to startle you little one. I just really care about you, even if I've only known you for a little while. You sort of remind me of my sisters in a way. You're a very brave girl but I think you know that staying here for a little while is your best option," Louis explained, reaching out slowly and grabbing my hand. I looked down at my feet, suddenly finding my toes very interesting. I knew Louis was right but I still felt bad. I'd always been taught that I was a burden and that I didn't matter to anyone. I'd always believed it but now I'm in this strange house with people who seem to genuinely like and care about me and I don't know how to feel anymore.

Louis noticed my silence and gently tugged me over to the bed. He pulled back the sheets and I climbed in. He gently covered me up as I just looked at him with a confused expression. He chuckled before walking over near the door and turning off the lights. I expected him to leave the room but he walked back over to the bed and laid next to me on top of the blankets. I held my breath for a few moments as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. I was utterly confused. Nobody had ever shown me this kind of compassion and caring and I didn't know how to react. However, I could feel my eyes drooping closed unwillingly. The steady sound of Louis' heartbeat filled the silence and the warmth of his body made me forget the cold, harsh weather outside and for the first time that day, I was able to relax.

"Thank you," I mumbled, obviously catching Louis off-guard.

"For what, little one?" Louis questioned, shifting slightly.

"For taking care of me,"

"You don't have to thank me. It's my job,"

I stayed silent for a few moments, not sure if I should say anything.

"Goodnight little one," Louis whispered with a giggle. I smiled.

"Goodnight Lou."

*** I've decided to continue this book. Sorry this chapter is a bit shorter than normal. It's an update though which is a start and probably better than nothing. Thanks for reading and I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll update again tomorrow if this gets 10 comments.