Jefferson Lake (knightsrachel) One shot

One shot chapter

//AN: Please note: I have no idea how a rehab programm, espespecially in the USA, works, so please forgive my mistakes.

Lee's POV

I stared at the ceiling. My hands had dropped my sketchbook.

I was feeling a bit exhausted, like I'd just run.

After today's session at Peace River, I'd rushed into my room and practically yanked my Sketchbook out of my desk drawer.

With shaking hands, I had started to draw, still hurrying and on the verge to a panic attack.

It was the only way to calm my raging thoughts, my turning stomach and the feeling of falling.

The classes at Peace River always troubled me a lot.

All those stupid questions I couldn't answer.

It was always the same, and I usually didn't answer at all because I didn't know what to say.

After the sheet was filled with my sketching I had broken off, heavily breathing.

Now I was falling again, I couldn't move, it was all too much and I didn't want to live anyway...

I pressed my eyes shut and then jumped out of my chair, dragging the sketchbook with me.

I decided to sit down on my bed and started to sketch again, slowly this time and carefully.

Don't think

Don't think!

Thinking was dangerous, with thinking, the confusion, the sadness, the guilt...

It all came back.

Don't think!!

I didn't sleep anymore because of the nightmares, but, even more because of the numbness that filled me inside at night.

I didn't want to lie in bed and wait for the sleep to come because I could start to think.

The sketching had a calming effect on me and soon, I felt my eyes drop shut and sleep rushing in my exhausted body.

Sleep... It's like dying but you can wake up again...

Parker's voice pulled me out of my little moment of peace

"Come on, Lee! We have to go to therapy"

Had we?

I lost track of time these days.

They float by, all just a blur.

It didn't seem too long ago since I came back to the apartment from my class without Parker.

Was it Wednesday again?

I hated Wednesdays, where I had to go to two therapy sessions in such a short amount of time.

It was exhausting.

"Lee ?!"

Parker called again, this time a bit angry.

Guilt flashed over me again.

Don't think, don't think!!!

I didn't realize that Parker had entered my room.

I looked at him without really noticing him.

"Come on", Parker said, trying to pull me up.

Finally, I found the energy to lift myself of the bed.