Dead But You're Not.

Chapter 2

We arrive at Johnny's house. It is just like I imagined it if he was alive. No, just like I imagined. The pain keeps on striking me. I have felt this all before, but I haven't had my headaches since 2 years ago. Johnny sits me down on his couch and offers me some tea. I accept and while the jug boils he comes to sit with me. We stay silent for a few moments before he begins to cry. I've never seen Johnny cry before. I pull him into my embrace and the pain strikes back but I ignore it for Johnny. Tears begin falling from my eyes too. I can not believe it, first they are dead, then they are alive, then that was a dream, then I was right again.

"When I was in the car, you know, unconscious and all..." I begin. He wipes his tears and begins to listen. He has my hand in his. My cousin, my best friend. I should be mad, he was alive and I thought he was dead. I imagined him for an entire summer. My heart was broken because of him. I should have hit him or screamed at him by now. But no, he is Johnny. My cousin, and I love him. "I was dreaming. Gat was alive but he said he wasn't Gat, and he was my doctor, and then Mirren was a patient but she said she was Caroline and she was confused, born in the wrong body, and then you show up." Johnny looked away.

"The full story is hard to explain, I have already hurt you enough." He says weakly. I sigh.

"Johnny, trust me, I have got a lot of time." I say. He walks over to the kitchen and finishes making my tea. He brings it to me and I sip on it looking up at him innocently. He gives in to me. He had to. If he didn't he would have gotten a lot more than a sob story.

"That night, the night of the fire in 15, Grandfather found us. He blamed it all on us. He said 'You are destroying my family, get out! Cady is the only pure grandchild left' We told him we would never leave. It is, ugh, was our family. But he was more than just angry. He threw a punch at Gat and Mirren held Gat back as I took a swing. He knew we were not going easily. So he paid us, more than a trust fund could buy. He told us we were dead to the Sinclair's now. Never to come back, change our names and never even think the word 'Sinclair' ever again." He said. More tears fighting to get out of his eyes. He sniffeled.

"You didn't say good bye Johnny. For a whole summer I hallucinated you were there. Then for 6 years of my life I believed that my best friends and the love of my life had died and I was crazy, which I was, but I was right about you never being dead. The hallucinations were too real. Johnny, you could have called, told me. We were the liars. We would have fought more than that..." I was sobbing now too.

"And we chose the money over you... God damn it, we already had enough money, we owned an island for god sake." He pulled at his hair and weakly punched the pillow next to him on the couch.

"Are they still alive. Mirren, Gat?" I ask. I put my tea down, it wasn't very pepper-minty any more, it tasted like tears.

"Mirren couldn't handle it, for a whole year she called me every day crying. She felt horrible for what she had done to you. She has attempted suicide too many times. She is in a rehabilitation unit at the moment, working out to get her mental strength back. Gat was different, he wrote about it, poems, and stories, it helped him channel the pain. He got drunk a lot though, drugs, alcohol, women. He got one of them knocked up. But he said he loved her, their married now, their kid is called Jade and they live a good life for what teen parents could have done, obviously he is in his twenties now too but we don't stay in much contact now a days." He said. He seemed angry. I was still processing it. Mirren - suicide? Over me? She couldn't handle it... then why didn't she try to contact me? And Gat... my Gat. A child with the love of his life who he is married to. I was just a small unnecessary piece in the puzzle. "Cady, do you still love Gat? After all these years?" He asked innocently. I couldn't lie. After the first few years I got over it, I accepted that it was a fling and that he was gone. But I always will love him. My first love.

"Yes. But can I ask you something?" I say between deep breaths interrupted by sniffles and sobs. He nods. "What is your name now? And Gat's? And Mirren's?" I ask

"Well, I am Johnny Brown, Mirren changed her name completely to Amy Woods. Mostly after her love for Amy whine-house and Woods for the fact that her heart was dark and gloomy with out you in it. But Gat is still Gat, he rarley gave into grandfather's orders." He explains. He puts his tea down and stands up.

"It's a lot to take in. I know, so get some rest and I will take you to the doctors tomorrow." He says and I watch him walk off to his bedroom as I fall asleep on his couch.