A Drop of Fading Crimson

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Bakura's POV
Chained from within my heart twinges in sorrow as I sit on the edge pondering whether my existence is worth the agony.  I had ruined it, I had scared away my love. I was a fool, too weak, to stubborn to just let go of my ego and embrace him like I had wanted. Instead I followed what my pride instructed, trying to block out and lock away what I had once considered feeble emotions plagued upon the minds of deplorable humans. I had hurt him, attempting to drive him away, to stop the emotions before they drained my strength away. I didn't want to end up so powerless... not again. I couldn't bear being helpless again and risk going through everything I had in the past. So why did I inflict the same so mercilessly upon my beloved?  That I regret so much, and if I could change my actions I would, but it's already too late. I left him broken, emotionally and physically. There's no way he could love me, I was a monster. I left him the same way I had been when I was finally tossed aside, left to die 3,000 years ago as a child.  He would never be able to forgive me, just like I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. 
My heart was in shards, I could never forget what I'd done to him, no matter how much I drank in useless attempts to make reality fade away. I always had to face the truth and come back to what I had done, how much agony I caused him with my endless torment. I know how he must feel right now, and I know, he hates me. I'm sure of it. He probably wants to get revenge on me as well. I can't bear to live like this anymore. I didn't want to do this, I didn't mean for any of this to happen.... it just kinda happened.
My anger got out of control, and once I snapped... there was no going back from that point until my fuse was cut. My actions were no longer my own anymore, just my body acting upon impulses set from ragged memories. Like watching a movie.. A very sick twisted movie. I couldn't stop, I couldn't help what I did and no matter how much I pretend it didn't happen, I know he can't.
My one chance has been lost, shattered like glass as my hopes had torn apart like paper.  I destroyed my own heart. I destroyed mou hitori no boku and discarded him like he was just a broken toy. I couldn't live with myself.
There's a voice in my head, whispering softly it says, "Forget him, he's just another game piece, a pawn used and thrown away as a sacrifice."
I wished I could just believe him, but I couldn't. I couldn't act innocent and consign to oblivion the fact this ever happened. I wish I could turn back the clocks, and reset what I had done, refabricate the threads of the universe I now dwelled in. I was hanging on a rim, I mys will be dancing with the dead.
    My sins, my soul, for I am the shadows, the darkness, and no matter how hard I tried to alter my ways I couldn't.  I was torn in a limbo of dubiety, and I couldn't go on. Penance for my transgressions couldn't be brought, with every punishment I set upon myself, my little bits of mortality sank further into the chasms of damnation.
The only way to cleanse my sins was with death, even then for sure they would still haunt my love. I had nothing to live for anyway, no one to hold me close and love me, no family, no friends, only hatred bearing revenge bedeviled my thoughts tainting them in misery. My entire life was just a waste. A failure. Sometimes I wish I had died 3,000 years ago back in Kul Elna with the rest of my family. At least then I would have been trapped in the purgatory between the human world and Zorc's domain with the rest of my family instead of being sealed away, my hatred growing with each day as the darkness ate away at my humanity. By the time my reincarnation finally surfaced most of my humanity was gone and replaced by demonic anger. Though if only I had realized sooner that Ryou was the first to help me feel emotions besides anger in over 3,000 years. No one else would even cast a gaze besides a nasty glare my way, I was hated by too many. At least I had Ryou, my savior from the darkness, he was the one to bestow light upon my mind, diminishing the depression that had seeped into my spirit. If only I'd seen it sooner. If only....  But I couldn't. The past was done, and I was left to regret it. My only release to this will be when I draw in my last breath as my heart ceases to beat, macabre demise set upon my being.
It isn't like Ryou would miss me. I know he hates me. There's no way he could love me after all I have done. I am a demon, and there's no escape from my destiny. This was meant to happen, and there's no changing destiny.
     My knife seemed to be burning a hole in my pocket, my fingers drawn to it as they subconsciously reached out to embrace it. As my digits touched the gelid metal, I shivered slightly, slowly moving it up to my line of sight. I gazed upon my knife, contemplating whether I really wanted to do this.
    Once I was dead.. I would be dead. There'd be no going back from there, no matter what the afterlife threw my way, whether it be hell or beyond. But if I stayed, I would have to live facing the fact I destroyed the spirit of the one I love.  I'd wake up everyday, dreading getting out of bed, getting up dreading to face my broken aibou. I'd go through the day alone in my thoughts left to contemplate and brood upon my treasons, and lay in bed every night until I fell asleep, dreading waking up in the morning to have to go through the say thing. It was the same cycle every days, trapped in this abyss of sorrow, a purgatory where thoughts of happiness died with every second that ticked by. Every minute was torture, every hour an eternity, and that is how it always would be. Forgiveness is futile, demise is uncanny, and with the fall of my wrath maybe my love can finally be happy.
I made up my mind as I held the blade to my wrist, slowly dragging it vertically from my palm to my elbow. It didn't hurt the slightly, all means of feeling physical pain, melted away, numbed by depression and thoughts of distain.
Crimson sepia seeped from the wound, painting the alabaster canvas of my arm with a solemn hue.
I held my arm near my face and lapped the metallic liquid away.
I slashed my arm again deeper, deciding I wasn't enough, I slashed myself one final time, with a different place in mind. My vision beginning to blur. My breathing soon began to slow, as red dropped down my neck, no pain, just a slight discomfort, as a hazy fog set upon my thoughts.
"This is it. Finally the end after 3,000 long years"
I closed my eyes with a sigh falling back against  the grass.
My chest began to still, heavy breaths escaping my lungs, as darkness tainted my vision. Reality was no more, a mere illusion to be left behind. The past didn't matter, the past was gone, with no future in sight the present tore.
"Goodbye"  I whispered, as my world faded away,
"Good night" I whispered, as I drew in a final shaky breath.