Epiphany

002

Tissues.

I was surrounded by tissues.

Tiny little pieces of cloth littered my bedroom floor. I mean, it is understandable, right? When you lose someone so dearly to your heart you simply just withdraw yourself from the regular activities you do.

      I call it coping. I'm simply trying to cope with this pain in my chest when I see him with her.

No big deal.

The lights flickered a bit when the lightning struck and my room was filled with the ephemeral sound of the thunder rumbling outside. The branches of the tree that stood steadily outside my window followed the movement of the wind.

My eyes followed the movement of the leaves that danced against the current of the wind.

A familiar tune began to play, I ten realized that it was the alarm I had set up. I looked at the words that displayed on the screen and groaned in exasperation. "July 2nd, 2016. 5:30 A.M."

I mean I should have moved on by now.

I could have.

I would have.

But I didn't.

     I grabbed my phone and unlocked the screen. 0109. The day where it all fell into place, as I used to say to him. I frowned a bit as I started scroll on my camera roll. Several photos of him and I were there. I stared at his face, his grey eyes staring back into mine.

You, my darling, mean everything to me, but did I mean anything to you

    Perhaps you always told me that I had a special place in your heart, but were you telling me the truth? Or were you just feeding my mind with deceitful lies all the time?

     You told me you cared.

     Did you really care? You told me you did.

     But sometimes words don't always equate to the weight an action does.

      Because words are merely syllables that travel through the air, sometimes meaning less than what they, sometimes they have no meaning while actions, though sometimes singular, mean more than what is done, they exceed the capacity of what was unfolded, they exceed what the person meant.

You may say the words "I promise.", but promise me that these three simple syllables mean something. Promise me that you will do them. Promise me that you would't hurt me again. Promise me that you will be back. Promise me.

    Promise. Me.

You know, every time you said "I promise." It get's sillier and sillier each time I hear it.

If had tally sheet of how many times you said those words, it would literally fill endless pages.

But if I had a tally sheet of the promises you did fulfill, I think i'd be having a hard time filling it up.

      I took a deep breath and started to press on each photo, glancing at them for one last time.

      This was it, I was going to move on. I was sick and tired of those tiny baby steps I made to finally move on. This time, I'm going go take a chance and make the big leap.

      I hovered my finger over the delete button, I took a deep breath and pressed it.

      "Are you sure?" a message popped up, as if mocking my decision whether I was truly sure about this.

     Breathe in.

    Press.

    Breathe out.