I used to love the rain. The sound of raindrops soothes me in more ways than one. But that was before when the rains would just be a signal for me to appreciate the end of hot summer days that make me sick. The rains have started to become reminders of how sad I can be.
Waking up to the sound of harsh raindrops falling everywhere, the events that transpired this week came back with a heavy heart.
As the rains fell, all I could think of was how cold you were. You never needed to say a word. Your actions gave you away. And no matter how hard you actually tried to make me feel otherwise, the efforts failed. You were physically with me but I saw and I felt how far away you were from me. This is not the you that I know.
As I gathered all the strength I could muster to ask you the questions I asked, I prepared myself for your answers. You negated yourself through your eyes and that’s when I knew that the words I heard were far from what you were feeling and thinking. It hurt and yet I couldn’t do anything about it.
As the rains stopped, I felt hopeful that maybe this is just a phase – something that we need to go through. I’ve been telling myself that there is a silver lining to all of this that’s happening. I am hopeful that there is still one. I am not going to give up something that is still beautiful.
And then the rain fell once more. Now all I could think of is how I miss seeing the spark that I used to feel and see from you. You are so near yet so far from away from me. It hurts to know and feel that way but it’s a truth I have to embrace…hopefully, just for now.
I miss the you that I know..