I never thought I'd find myself in this situation, I always thought that I'd only see this in movies or in a magazine but, certainly not live it. I always hear stories about how people hop the boarder and bam they're in 'Murcia. However, I think everyone sugar coats it, they make it sound amazing and don't get me wrong it is amazing how brave these people are for taking on such a journey to reach their dreams or just to lead a better life. I guess what I am trying to say is that, they don't give every detail. And, the day I heard his story my heart ached.
We were laying down talking and then suddenly his face got gloomy and his eyes wandered. So of course I asked him what he was thinking. And he finally let himself out to me.
He didn't want to come to the U.S., he said his life was great in El Salvador. He didn't mind that his family was poor, all that mattered was that his family was together. He had a ton of friends and I can't remember any names because he always says new names and he always has these amazing stories. His face just glows with excitement as he describes these images and I can see it in his eyes that they are still so vivid and alive to him.
However, he also left some dark things in El Salvador, things no one wants to live. At the age of 10 he was jumped walking home from church and that's how he got the large scar on his chin that looks like a giant c. Or the scar on his back that he still hasn't wanted to tell me about yet.
He told me how afraid he was when he left his home. None of his friends knew he was leaving because he knew they would want him to stay behind and he knew he would have stayed if they begged him. He couldn't say goodbye to his mother because he couldn't bare to look at her pained face.
There were days he didn't eat, there was no water. He tells me "I still don't know how I made it here." And as he tells me that I can see the mixture of emotions in his eyes, sadness and happiness. When they crossed the river he remembers seeing a whole family drown. He tells me "I was almost on that raft with them, that could have been me too. But, at the same time I wish I was on that raft because maybe I could have done something."
His mother didn't hear from him for two months. Imagine the pain she must've been in. He told me when his mother didn't hear anything from him, she just stopped eating. He told me when he heard that he felt so much guilt and anger because he felt that because of him his mother is suffering. "
"When she told me she wouldn't eat because she would remember about me all I felt was this huge knot in my throat and I, I just couldn't talk. There was so much pain and all I wanted to do was go back."
However, he tells me thanks to me he doesn't feel lonely anymore but, there's still that little hole in him that only his family can fill.
I want to tell him to go back because I know he'd be so much happier and that's all I want. I don't want him to hurt anymore. But just before I do he tells me he's happy here now and in a way I'm in peace.
He tells me he wants to be with me until we get all wrinkly and gross looking . He wants children with me but, he's also scared of being deported and never seeing his children again. The irony...
-12-22-14
N&A
