Well first off, pineapples grow on bushes. Not just any bushes Noooo. It had to be a bush that looks like a pineapple itself. I mean seriously?? Why is a pineapple growing another pineapple even?? Do we even know what pineapples are? Who decided that pineapples were even edible enough to eat?? Let's move on to another reason on why pineapples are confusing. They eat you. They literally start to devour your mouth as you eat it. Who wants to eat something that eats you?? You humans are frickin crazy!!! What about how those pineapple bushes are frickin sharp too? Do you really love how pineapples eat you that much that you would risk your life to get one? Now they may not be that sharp but they are sharp enough to hurt you. What about SpongeBob?? He lives in a pineapple under the sea. How did the pineapple get there? PINEAPPLES CAN FLOAT PEOPLE. tested this out myself. It's absolute crap that a pineapple just sank to the bottom of the ocean and became a house for a talking sponge.
MARK MY WORDS PEOPLE PINEAPPLES ARE GETTING INSIDE YOUR HEAD. That refreshing juice that squeezed into your mouth when you crushed the meat of the pineapple with your teeth is controlling your mind. Seriously. Stop. Eating. Pineapples. The government is sending them all around the globe filled with mind controlling juices just so they can remain in control. You may think I'm crazy but I'm not. I have proof. On the morning of July 16 1998 four people snuck into a top secret government base to download files that would finally expose the corrupt government. Only one escaped. He had the flash drive. Once he was in a safe and secluded area, he read what was happening on the files within it. It talked all about the plans to use pineapples as a mind controlling device. He uploaded the files onto the Internet and then was shot dead in the head. How do I know all this? I used to work for the government. I filed top secret files. I read every single one of them of course and then the one about the pineapples came up. As far as I know, the plan is still going strong to use pineapples to control the mind. I haven't eaten pineapples since then.
More to come....
