It was another day of frustration and self hatred, I had been cutting my self for nearly an hour now and I still did not feel any relief like I normally did when I self harmed. Mum thinks I'm psycho she has gotten me over 10 physiologists but I refuse to see them all simply because all they talk about is meditation and letting it all go, I mean how I'm I supposed to "let it go", it's not that simple but surely mum does not understand. I have been forced for so many months now into going to a meditation class, it's really boring and does not bring peace, nothing brings peace to me I'm always sad and I don't think my depression will ever go away. I refuse to see my dad, he broke my mums heart when he left her for a 25 year old lady, I hate him I really do. He did nothing to support me. I will always have this hatred in my heart towards him. It was time for meditation class and I was in what mum calls one of my "sad fazes" it's when I shut all the lights in my room and close all the blinds, I lay in my bed crying for days on end, I don't eat and I don't go to the bathroom, I basically pee myself in bet and lay in my filth because I'm so depressed to get up turn the lights on, open the blinds, and have a social life. I never hang out with friends, I dont think they even care about me I haven't been to school for weeks and I haven't even gotten one message from them or even a call to see if I'm ok. They probably think I'm an attention seeker because I cut my self and I don't mind showing it, but the truth is I'm not afraid of my self harm cuts it helps me, it's a form of therapy to get rid of my emotional pain so I can focus on my physical pain because emotional pain is worse. i
