UNFIXABLE.
During the darkest times in my life, I looked to the ones I loved for comfort. Most of the time I didn't get any out of them. All of them wanted me to change myself and they weren't open to reason. They didn't see that I wasn't the one that needed to be fixed. I was just the one caught in the middle and I was blamed for that.
During those times I had no one. I felt like I didn't know myself and didn't know where I was headed. I was lost and I didn't have a map to find whatever I was looking for. I was stranded out in the desert with no one by my side.
I felt like God himself had abandoned me. I started to believe that I had no place in the world and no place in anyone's heart. I was struggling to even stay sane. And I can't explain it.
I felt so alone and crushed. I didn't know what to make of myself or what to do. All the time I just wanted to be alone. I felt like that would keep me from getting hurt again.
I hated myself. I hated my smile, my body, my voice, my eyes, my face, my personality, my abilities. I hated everything and that's when it all got to me.
All that hate broke me and I'll never be the same. I will never have the same perspective on anything. I will always have that doubt in my mind about myself and it will never go away.
I might have doubts about myself now, but I know my faults and I deal with them. I am not the best at anything. I am not perfect. I am not myself. I am broken. And there are some things that you just can't fix.
