These Scribbled Notes

Bitch?

They call me a bitch,

I always agree.

I'm selfish,

And rude,

And can't help but 

Argue

Until I get my way.

---

I am a bitch

Because I say so.

But if I didn't,

Would that still be me?

---

Would I still be the one 

That every single fucking person

Thinks they don't need to respect

"She's a bitch."

"Why does it matter?"

---

Let me tell you.

It matters because even though I'm mean,

And if you ever insult me,

I'll just laugh

And agree,

I fucking still have feelings

---

This is my way

Of willing you to stop.

If I show how little it affects me

You won't find the need to say it,

Right?

---

Wrong

---

Because even though I laugh

And agree,

People don't stop.

They think it's okay.

---

And I've made it okay

---

Because I use "I'm a bitch"

As my reason why-

My justification-

For all my personality imperfections.

---

And it's not okay

For me to do this.

Because I've taught people

That you can use this word.

---

And even though I'm fine with it,

I am not everyone.

Now I've begun to wonder

If I actually am a bitch.

---

I have always said I am

With my head held high,

Proud of this honourable title

---

This word does not have positive connotations

And if I took away my bravado

And evident willingness to label myself,

Would people still call me a bitch?

---

Am I that selfish?

That rude?

That obnoxious?

---

This could be answered.

I'd just need to be offended

When I am called a bitch.

---

But that would be going backwards.

Knocking down walls

I worked so hard to build.

---

I fear the truth of myself

That would be revealed

If these walls were to fall,

Rubble at my feet.

---

So up they remain

And up they will stay

Because no one likes a selfish bitch

So why should they care?

Poem and bit of a rant written 9th of December 2015. --- represents stanza breaks.