Lightness

Chapter One

I blink while looking out of my mothers' car window. I look back at her and groan.
"Do I really have to?! I barely have time for myself."
She scolds while averting her eyes from the road to look at me. "Why do you do this everytime? You like it there, I'm not letting you give up on english classes like you did with music and swiming."
My mother is a beauty, with her wavy hair and big eyes both pitch black, and her creamy white skin dusted with freackles. She doesn't look Spanish, but to me she is the defenition of a Spanish beauty.
I avert my eyes to the road and scrunch my face. "I had music every day. It either was Cello classes, or choir, or history of music, or reading and comprehending music. Plus swiming classes twice a week, and gym, oh, and english classes twice a week. I had classes during the weekend and no time for myself."
She looks baffled and complaints, "You had music at a conservatory, you played the Cello beautifully. You could have been a great musician. No one wanted you to give up, they wanted you to go to Italy, become a Cello player. Whatever happened for you to give up? You never told me, you never explain yourself. You have a gift and just threw it away!"
She is pissed, I know, so I just press her buttons while trying to lighten the mood a little.
"I also love to kill bugs. I think I could escalalte to something bigger, I mean, I think it is a gift. And I hate Miss Brown, that old bat!!"
She glances at me and laughts, "You love spiders, we can't touch them, remember?! The last time your brother killed one you scolded him for hours."
I gasp remembering the poor creature. "It was a baby spider, it didn't deserve to die an early death!"
"So is your brother, and he was scared of the spider, and then you."
I get quiet. My brother was the reason I changed so much. Both him and my mother almost died at childbirth. She had eclampsy, and he aspirated amniotic liquid into his lungs. The doctors missed both things untill it was almost too late. During his first years he was a dificult child, always crying, absorbing all of my parents atention. Meaning that after ten years of being an only child, I was basically invisable to my parents for two years. I had been deeply depressed and they didn't saw the signs. I can barelly remember those two years, I just recall feeling drained all the time, losing interest in everything that used to make me happy and not being able to make friends. Even at school I had been at my lowest and almost flunked, completly out of character for me.
But my parents only screamed and blamed me for my failures, they were streesed out by my brother. So I gave up. I don't blame neither of them, they were right, I should have been stronger. And with that thought, it took me almost another two years to get myself on my feet. But the cello was something that I lost, the magic that music used to bring to my life was lost.
I'm lost in thoughts when she starts speaking again. "You know I envy you, you are so bright, and yet you allow everything to slip away from you. I never met anyone like you. You are good at everything you try, without even trying, but you don't put your heart into anything anymore. Not even at school. You used to love school, when you were three you begged me to enrole you, and now you don't even study!"
I look out of the window avoiding her gaze, some parts of me were lost, and I didn't seem able to find them again. "My grades aren't that bad."
She sighs deeply. "No, they're quite good, but if you just picked up your books they could be astounding, and you know it."
She parks her car and kills the engine, and I feel her staring at me, so I look back. "You know..." She pauses a while to collect her thoughts. "I adore you, I would just like in in your life again. I know you like no one, but I feel like I don't know you anymore, you just don't let me in. I know when you're sad, happy, unconfortable, even when you wear your mask, but you don't talk to me."
I star laughting. "You know I do, what do you think we are doing now?!"
She isn't laughting, she looks serious. "No, I mean talk talk, like you telling me what's on your mind."
I avert my eyes again, while openning the door and getting out. "We're late." I say, terminating our conversation and closing the door.

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I sit in the lounge room of the english school that I attend with my mother by my side. I'm so bored that I start reading my book, I have one with me at all times, today I'm reading the "Picture of Dorian Gray" I can't get enought of it, and lost count of how many times I red it. I'm just in love with Lord Henry, what can I do?
While I'm reading I hear the voice of one of the teachers "Hey, wierdo it's your turn." I rise my eyes from the book a little so I can look at Kathy, and then look straight to my mother, and she's laughting. Damn, my mother really has no faith in me.
"Oh! You're Ariana mother?! I'm so sorry, but I was just kidding. I mean she is a bit wierd, but she's a good kid." Kathy was my teacher two years ago, she was an Aussy laid back kind of teacher that looked like the female version of Einstein, and she found me wierd, go figure.
"I'm used to it, actually she is a wierd kid." I look at my mother in shock and as fast as it came, is gone, she is right, I am a strange kid.
"Hi Kathy, hows summer been?!" I ask uninterestes while going behind her to the classroom where I'll enrole in the new school year.
"Good, good. And you? Are you excited with the new school year?"
I smile sadornically while looking at her and taking a seat "Extatic. Can I sleep over 'till it begins?" She snorts and asks for my regular school skedual, and while still looking at it starts speaking with me, "You know the drift, we study your skedual and try to fit you into a class, we'll know you classroom number and teacher by next week." I reply without really thinking "I wanna be in Cats' class."
She puts the skedual down and sighs deeply. "I can't do that, you know that, you had Cat as your teacher last year, you have to rotate." You see I have a reputation, it is my way or the high way, and everyone knows it. "It either is Cat or I'm not enroling this year." I state simply. My mother that has been quite during the exgange looks at me waryly.
Kathy tries to explain again, "Look Ariana, you know the rules, we have teachers from diferente nationalities, it's a good experience for you." I open my mouth to replay, but my mother beats me to it. "Are you sure there is nothing you can do? Her and Cat seem to have a connection." I look at my mother, and I love her I really do, I just don't love myself and unfortunatly it shows in our relationship. Kathy opens her mouth to protest again, but I'm saved by a bell named Cat as she struts into the room. "Ariana, I thought it was your voice! Kathy, she's mine." Kathy doesn't look pleased, but I smile at her smugly. "Jacqueline is in your class in reguler school isn't she?" Jacqueline is the daughter of one of the teachers they're caucasion, but they are from India. "Ya." I smile openly, and Cat replies with a smile as big as mine, "You have classes at Wensdays and Thursdays at 18 o'clock, in my classroom. Still remember the number?" "Yup" I chime happly, "classroom number 11." Her smile gets even bigger, "Still the same one, see you in two weeks, and break a leg for next Monday." She says while winking.
I look back at Kathy, and she is not happy, trust me, but as I said it is my way or the high way. "It's 60 Euros for enroling her, plus 30 Euros for books and another 50 Euros for the monthly fee. It's 140 Euros in total, please."
My mother wears a big grinn, she knows that I always take a lot of time to warm up to new people, and having Cat again is a big plus for me, I love Cat and she loves me. Cat is like the cool groovy british grandma, and she's just as wierd as I am, and like me she isn't scared to flaunt it. So she just pays, and we get up. While we're leaving the room she holds my hand as we used to do when I was a kid, and is still wearing that big smile, of a mother who knows that her kid, just got the best for her, and is one step closer to spreading her wings and flying.