Bad Boy's Girl

Chapter 1

     Walking up to the graves, the only thing I hear besides the crunch of every fallen leaf underneath my shoes, is my heart pounding through my ears. One hand out with flowers, the other hand tucked into my winter coat, gripping the inner pocket desperately trying to find some warmth. When I reach the two familiar marble graves, I hold my breath and mustered up the courage to visit two people I barely knew, barely remember but has such a lasting impact on me.

HERE LIES: 

Scarlet and Benjamin Daxton

     The night my parents died, a piece of my soul died. I was only eight years old when they passed and I didn't even understand what was happening. Connor, my brother used to tease me and always said how weird it was that our parents found out my mom was pregnant when Connor was 16. My parents weren't exactly trying to have another baby, and sometimes I feel that I might have thrown them for a loop, and I feel guilty for taking away pivotal time from Connor as a child because I wasn't the easiest. 

     I was a wild child and from what I heard, the complete opposite of Connor. Connor was the perfect child and the perfect baby. I on the other hand entered my "terrible two" phase at two months old. I cried all the time, but surprisingly, Connor was the only one able to calm me down. He was the baby whisperer but I wonder how exhausting it was for him to be the one to have had to deal with my emotional baby tantrums and screaming fits. 

     I feel worse now knowing that at the age of 24, he not only lost both his parents but had the burden of taking care of me.  My mother's parents died before I was born, and my father lost his mother from cancer at the age of 8, his father passed away when I was an infant. Grandparents weren't exactly a choice when it came to who was going to get full custody of me. My father did have an older sister, but she lived in California, and Connor didn't want me that far away from him. I love Connor, and I love him, even more, knowing that at the young age of 24, he gave up living up his early 20s and was able to be my full-time guardian. I remember the days of Elementary school, I used to sleep in Connor's bed in the beginning, cry and ask when Mom and Dad were coming home. Eventually, after therapy, I was able to grow up a little more and not be a stage 5 clinger.  

     Connor did have help, he had our godparents who we call Aunt Rose and Uncle John. Rose and my mother were childhood friends. And my parents then met one another in high school. Uncle John and my father met in detention and had been friends since freshman year. The summer of my mother's Junior year, she found out she was pregnant with Connor, and my parents were married right after high school. After high school, my parents and my godparents got a place together and they each took turns taking care of Connor, switching shifts so that the other parent or godparent could go to a college class or work. Coincidentally, years later, my mother and Aunt Rose found out they were pregnant around the same time, and this is when Matthew comes into the picture. Matthew was and is my best friend in the entire world. I was the first person Matt came out to and we have been inseparable since we could walk. Aunt Rose would take Matt and me to school, and when I got older I was able to make Matt and me lunch before Aunt Rose would come to pick me up, and it became a routine until Matt got his license. More times than not we would pick up lunch before school at our favorite cafe. 

     I stare down at the graves, wiping my tears and placing down two bouquets of white roses on the grave. I inhaled sharply and stood up, letting out a big sigh my breath was crisp and visible as it came out into the cold Eastern autumn weather. Today marked 12 years without my parents, and I now have to remember them longer than I've known them, while the memories I have with them fade away into the dark abyss of what I call my mind. Connor usually drove down from Virginia to come to visit the grave with me, given his job promotion his hours are more hectic and I don't talk to him as often as I'd like. I understand he now has his own little family and he is in his bubble. He married Grace after she graduated from grad school, and the two struggled with fertility issues, the day they had an appointment at a fertility center, Grace took a test and it came back positive. I was ecstatic to hear the news, but sad knowing I was no longer part of Conner's little bubble. I was simply his "immediate relative".