Ice Eyes, Ice Heart (only Lucas's POV)

Chapter #2

I glanced at my alarm clock and it was about to go off. I hadn't slept a wink last night. My lips still burned with regret, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had liked Nick's kiss. I definitely was not gay. I know for sure I'm not. But the feeling was there. I held my stomach as it tossed and turned. I. Do. Not. Like. Nick. Period. That was the end of it. I lay there for a moment. Thinking over how I was going to face Nick today. I don't want to lose him as a friend. We're going to have to talk about it eventually. Maybe it will be awkward for a couple days, maybe even weeks. I wasn't prepared for that though. Since 4th grade we have never been apart. I sighed and got out of bed. I threw some clothes on and brushed my teeth afterwards. I walked to school since I lived close. And when I got there I looked around for Nick. He wasn't at school, or I didn't see him at least. My chest felt tight at the thought of him here. I didn't want to face him. That was the reason right? Not because I liked him or anything, right? Of course not...

I kept looking at guys and thinking if I could actually think they were attractive. To make sure I wasn't gay. All of my girl classmates thought that the janitor was hot, so I took a good look. He was good looking I guess. He had a nice body. Maybe I thought he was attractive? No...But did I even think Nick was attractive? I mean, he's not ugly. I closed my eyes and imagined his face. Nick had light brown hair and green eyes. I think he was a secret ginger. He had freckles that spread across his button nose. He had a baby face but it was cute- I opened my eyes. No...I just...I don't think Nick is cute. I can't. That's weird...I was just saying.

I found myself looking at the janitor almost the whole day, Mr. Ryan. He had a "I don't give a fuck" vibe and I didn't think it was cool at all. But I guess all the girls did. When lunch came along, I sat down with the usual group of girls who had crushes on me. They'd flaunt over me and tell me I was hot. It felt nice. I knew I was good looking. But attractive to guys? That creeped me out a bit. I looked over at Mr. Ryan. How would I feel if he liked me? Gross...

The girls were pointing him out and obsessing.

"He's so cute!!!"

"I just want to kiss him!!"

"He could be a model!!" I heard from all around. At least my mind wasn't wrapped around Nick anymore. I could maybe go on with my day without stressing.

The bell rang and I went to my locker. I tried to open it but it was jammed or something. I couldn't get it open. One of the girls asked me if I needed help and she went to go get the janitor. Oh great. Wait! Why am I getting nervous? It's true that I was looking at him the whole day but I don't like him! She was taking a while getting him. By the time she got him everyone was gone. He walked down the hall towards me. I stepped away from the locker so he could unlock it. He jiggled his keys and motioned me to open it. I reached for the handle- BANG! His hand slammed against the locker right next to my head. He looked me in the eyes. I couldn't move. I was stunned. What was happening? He got real close to my face. His lips only inches away from mine.

"You're cute" he said, his deep voice echoing through the empty hallways. His hand brushed my head as he walked away towards his office. What was this feeling? I was terrified. He was a grown man! What right did he have doing that to me! I ripped my things from my locker and bolted out of the school. His breath was heavy. I could still imagine the feeling it gave me. Did I feel anything other than fright? No... I didn't feel excited or aroused. It was just creepy. It wasn't like the time with Nick.

I stopped walking and looked up. I was at Nicks house! What...? Why did I come here? I could've sworn I was walking home...Nick came running out of the door.

"What are you doing here?" He looked happy and kind of nervous. I looked up at him... What was I doing here? I'd like to ask myself the same question.

"I... I don't know..." I said quietly. I backed up slowly and he came running towards me. Nick grabbed my hand and I jerked away. His eyes looked sad but I couldn't deal with him right now. I felt bad but I was confused and didn't want to talk to him about anything yet. I turned and ran. I didn't even know where to, but I just ran away. Ran away from the truth... I needed to hold on to my sanity... I was falling fast.