not in love || l.s. ✔︎

CHAPTER TWENTY

A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to @UnicornBaeLuv Thank you for all your supportive/funny comments!

This is the last "past" chapter! From here on out the focus will be on the "present."

This part takes place six months after H & L and the band split up. I didn't write a chapter about the band splitting because a lot of that info is slowly revealed through Darby's interviews in the "present."

HARRY / PAST

By the time the band split up I was numb. I'd already lost everything that mattered to me.

I was marooned at the InterContinental Hotel in New York, unable to go back to L.A. or London, anyplace where I'd once shared a home with Louis.

The curtains were drawn and my phone and the T.V. turned off. Everything reminded me of Louis. The only place I was safe was in bed asleep, in a deep, deep sleep, where I couldn't dream or if I did I wouldn't remember it.

After our last concert, Liam stayed behind in New York with me and Zayn went back to London with Louis. We were still fighting over Niall. He left us both for L.A.

It had been ages since I spoke to anyone besides my mum and Liam but my new manager thought it would be a good idea to do a splashy profile in a magazine to maintain my image. I was given a list of publications and journalists to choose from, but I didn't recognize any of the names. I suggested the name of the one journalist I did know personally: the young woman from Rolling Stone. My manager thought she was too green but I didn't trust anyone else and gave him an ultimatum, either Darby Rose did the piece or no one did.

We were supposed to meet at a café two blocks from the hotel. I found a wrinkled plaid shirt at the bottom of my suitcase and a pair of faded blue skinnies. My hair was greasy and I looked a bit pale. I hoped she wouldn't notice and if she did that she would be kind enough not to write about it.

I was about to head out the door when I got a reminder on my phone. I recognized from the lowercase letters and punctuation that Louis had typed it. He must have added it to my calendar months ago when were still together. reminder: I luv u !!!!

I collapsed onto the bed. I felt a chill, like a ghost had just passed through me. The only thing worse than remembering how we broke up was remembering how great everything was before it happened. It hurt to lie in bed and think about it but I didn't know how to function in the world without crumbling under the weight of this sadness. I was completely paralyzed.

I must have drifted off to sleep because my phone rang and when I woke up I saw that four hours had passed.

It was my manager. I'd missed the meeting. Darby was waiting in the lobby holding out hope that I'd still show.

"I can reschedule, or put you two up in a conference room?"

I groaned. I didn't want to go anywhere and I didn't want to put it off. If I didn't do it then I would keep procrastinating.

"Send her up to my room."

A few minutes later I heard a tentative knock at the door. "Come in," I squeaked, from under the covers.

Darby stepped through the door, eyes wide as she scanned the room and the squalor I'd been living in for months.

"Um, hello?"

She was wearing glasses and a graphic shirt with a navy cardigan, dozens of concert wristbands snaking up her arm. It's how I imagined Zayn would dress if he were a girl.