For The Depth Of Me

Chap. 2 Anxiety

I lie down as I receive my meds from Callie, I close my eyes waiting for the light pain from the needle to disappear. She dabs tissue paper to the tiny spot of blood as I close my eyes and wander in my thoughts. "There you go Chanice all good to go" She puts her equipment away and walks out my room.

It took me about two months when I got here to talk to anyone because I was to embarrassed to speak to anyone about anything - whether it was my story or my name, I wouldn't say a word. The day I was set free from Hell I was let out by one of the boys, his name was Trè - he was the cousin of Jason the one who kept me in a hell hole for a year. I had nowhere to go so I slept on the streets; I had no idea how to make my way back home nor did I have anything on me, just an oversized shirt from Trè and some joggers that he found somewhere. I wandered in the harsh winters on the street with nothing to eat, it was until Dr Beeven found me and brought me to St. Mary's hospital - a hospital that deals with people my age who go through traumatizing experiences. I had fractured ribs and bruises on every part of my body, I was under weight and was diagnosed with extreme anxiety and fear. I had over 100 stitches on my body and had to have a couple surgeries - one to get rid of the baby that died months ago. I didn't know what the gender of the baby was, it died in less in a week I was in that cell.

A soft knock alerts me, bringing me out my thoughts once again. "Come in" I say thinking it was Callie again, the door slowly opens revealing Dr Beeven he gives a warm smile striding himself towards me. "Morning Chanice how do you feel?" He asks as he stands with a clipboard in his hand; I sit up from my position and return the smile."Same feeling I have everyday I guess" I shrug my shoulders looking past him and towards the door - my thoughts lulling me to my past. Before my thoughts even succeed in taking me to my past, Dr Beeven clicks his fingers to make sure I concentrate. I dart my eyes back to him then look down at my hands embarrassed. "Sorry Doc" he sits at the edge of my bed and smiles, he scrunches up his face showing that he was thinking of something. "I think you need to do something than stay cooped up in this room or even in this hospital in fact" He says, I look at him knowing he's right but the thing is I don't know how to do things normal anymore, all I know is just to sit in one place and do nothing but let my imagination take over me. I had to that shit for one year I guess anyways. "What the fuck am I supposed to do if I don't know how to be normal? What if when I go on the streets, I get raped or attacked or something?" I stare into his almond orbs as I wonder in anxiety. "You need to stop being anxious about the open and try something new - you being cooped in here doesn't help you either, you end up falling in trances or in scary hallucinations or should I say flashbacks".

I bite my lip knowing he was right, but I kept silent. "In a few months, I will transfer you and a few patients to a new home - you guys will live together and be to start your life again. I will give you all money and put you in school or help you find a job once you're settled in" I think of myself of being outside from the hospital, "Okay, it sounds good" I say. He smiles and squeezes my hand as he gets up, "Let's get you out of here and make you socialise" without a fight, I get up from my bed - I actually need to do something than here, there's this guy called Jae, he was here before I came; he always talked to me even though I never responded he is my only friend here though.

I walk out with Doc as he heads back to his office and I go to the the hall where other patients would chill. "Try and stay out for 30 mins " He says as he walks in his office I nod and head into the room, I see five other patients here - and one was Jae he notices me walk in and he smiles. "Hey Chanice" he greets me warmly as I come in. I sit on the pale yellow couch as Jae comes to join me "Hey Jae" I reply back as I settle myself on the couch. Jae is tall build and quite muscular - not too much though, his chocolate skin tone compliments his black curls that fall measly but neatly on his face. His brown almond eyes and his freckled cheeks,and his perfect shaped lips. He's so nice and is the only guy I've became close to here.
"I haven't seen you in a few days, I was gonna check if you were okay but I wasn't sure if I should - I mean I heard you fell into we deep trance or shit like that" he said, a small crept on to my fad as he shows his concern for me. "Thanks and yeah just some things from the past that caused most of it, its hard to deal with it but yeah" I play with the ring on my finger - its kind of a habit when I talk. "Oh iyte, you know when you need me I'm here for you right?" He gives me a reassuring look with his hand on my knee, I nod with my curls bouncing along my head he squeezes my knee with a cute smile, he stands up and begins to exit the room. "I'll see you later, I need to go and rest" he says as he exits, I wave as I leave and just stare at the wall.

Author's Note - Okay I apologize for the kind of boring chapter, I just wanted to get this out of the way so I had to post it. More better content coming soon.
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- Courtney-Crest ♛