“Juuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn-chaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!”
Her loud call on me echoes through my house as I rushed towards the front door.
“We’re gonna be late, let’s go already! Hmmmpft!”
“Sorry, I overslept and have even to skip breakfast. And oh, can you not call me out loud like that? You’ll bother the neighbors.”
“Ehh, I’m doing it everyday, they’re not bothered. Here’s a slice of loaf.”
Renka handed me a loaf which I bit as we started walking together. I turned my face onto her, only seeing the usual bright expression on her face. Lively but gentle warmth envelops me as I stare at that not rare but precious visage from her side when Renka turns her face towards me too.
“Aaah—! You look like a lead character from a manga, going to school with a loaf on your mouth. Hahahah, weirdo!”
“You did it on purpose… bringing a single slice of bread and giving it to me.”
“It’s your punishment for waking up late.”
“So, you already assumed that I would be waking up late?”
“No silly, I knew.”
Side by side we trailed the sidewalk of the market street just after the corner from where my house is. Again I turned my head and see Renka’s face. Honestly, I’d rather be seeing her like that as we go to school together, but something inside me tells me that I should say it to Renka.
“I had a dream about that.”
“Huh?”
And again, that smile drawn on Renka’s face shone on me as she turns her face sidewards towards mine. Her head is slightly tilted by an angle making her bangs block a little on front of her eyes, making her eyes. Not so close but not that far, we both are looking over each other’s eyes. No matter how many times
“…about my last night’s dream. But actually it was until I woke up earlier.”
“Ohh… What kind of dream was it?”
“Err…”
“Don’t tell me… wet dreams?”
“W-what are… O-Of course not! I—”
“Hohohooo, you’re blushing, Jun-chan. You don’t have to hide it, that’s something normal on your age.”
I can’t talk back after that, I don’t know how to follow up on that. I faced sidewards to the opposite direction to avoid eye contact with Renka, and to hide my embarrassment as well.
“So, tell me. Who’re you fantasizing about? A friend? A girl in your class? Could it be… ”
I braced myself, mentally for expecting a follow-up, something which is far from happening but still always ending up me expecting of it, just like getting excited on a raffle draw even if one knows how far-fetched the idea of winning is.
“Could it be… me?”
“…”
Even a poker-faced like me could manage to avoid showing any reaction against it. But even so, that lack of response shows how her words hit back against me.
I froze on the spot, facing her who also stopped walking, as the gentle spring breeze blew upon us, making the fallen petals of the Sakura trees dance around under the vibrant morning sun.
“Hahaha! It can’t be, right?”
“…”
“No matter how I see, it feels weird. Sorry for saying random things.”
Renka ran forward a short distance, on the road which now goes uphill towards the school. I got myself together and looked towards her.
I can’t get enough of her smile. That happiness shown on her face is the masterpiece which I’d always swear to protect. I know I can live with it, just being able to see her like that, but something inside me is not trying to listen to my heart’s wish. Something ignorant but honest inside me…
“I dreamt about Kyo-chan…”
“…”
“It was about the past, when the three of us are still together.”
“…”
I looked down on my feet as I spoke. I don’t want to see her face, not at this moment. I suddenly felt the rushing stream of regret, I can’t bear showing my face on her, or seeing what face she makes now. Suddenly the gentle wind felt like the remnants of last winter, the final struggle of the bitter cold.
“Hahaha, why do you suddenly look like down in the dumps, Jun-chan?”
“…sorry.” — Is all I can utter at the moment.
“What are you saying, Jun-chan? You weirdo! Hahah…”
I felt like maybe Renka is smiling back again, towards me, so I dared raising my head. But I was a fool, she’s smiling indeed, but her eyes reflect the stabbing pain in the depths of her heart, which in turn stabs my heart twice of the same pain. The pain of seeing her hurt while smiling, and the pain of making me see how she still feels for him.
