We Can Be Mended

//Prologue//

From Willow's diary; The year before

January 3, 2015

A year changes you a lot.

February 17, 2015

Wanna know a secret? I'm sick and tired of trying to hide the mess that I am.

March 2, 2015

What's the point of it all?

April 27, 2015

Quietly wondering why I even exist.

May 30 , 2015

I wish I wasn't alone.

June 2, 2015

I'm already dead. Not really. Though I do infact wish I was a ghost.

July 9, 2015

I'm going insane.

August 15, 2015

I feel like if I died no one would even notice.

September 21, 2015

But the truth is, i'm not special for anybody.

October 30, 2015

I have the kind of tiredness that sleep won't fix.

November 25, 2015

I don't like to talk about what hurts.

December 9, 2015

My thoughts were destroying me. I tried not to think but the silence was a killer.

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The Year After: 2016

I took the razor with shaky hands. Holding it in a deadly grip. This was the only chance that I had to go away.

I didn't want to loose the only chance that I had to disappear.

I pressed the tip of my ring finger against the skinny, but sharp blade. Watching as the blood trickled down my finger. Almost like a paper cut.

I watched myself in the mirror that was facing me. At the person who couldn't take it anymore, who didn't want to take it. Her skin was pale. Her lips were cracked and dry. Her straight black hair was matted. And her eyes, her eyes looked the most pained. The once bright vibrant brown eyes that I once known, were now a dull lifeless color. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying.

I looked in her eyes and saw sadness, guilt, loneliness, pain, fright. But what pushed me over the edge, was the pity that I saw. Could you believe it? I was pitying myself, even though I didn't want anyones else's pity.

I didn't deserve anyone's pity. I did this to myself. I let this happen.

And in that moment, I decided I was done. Every thought in my head was shouting at me to stop, telling me to think about everyone else. To think about him.

But I just couldn't...

As I slide the razor against my wrist for the first time, I pushed those thoughts in the back of my mind. I was just thinking about myself. I knew that I was being a coward in that moment, but there was no regret. I wanted this, I sliced both wrist over and over. Up and Down, Up and Down. Too numb to feel any pain.

I deserved this.

I needed this.

I wanted this.

This is what you get for giving up

No one will ever love you

Black spots were clouding my vision, as I was trying to stay standing. But I failed miserably, falling to the floor, the razor falling out of my hands.

I saw blood splatter to the floor, but in that moment it looked so beautiful. It was the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. It meant that it was working.

I heard the distant sound of heavy footsteps, then a voice shouting out my name.

"Willow! Oh My God! Baby! Willow, Will wake up. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I love you. I love you so so much! Don't close your eyes. Just please stay awake. Please baby! Will. Somebody help..." The voice drowned on, but it was like a distant sound. I didn't care about anything. I didn't care about them. I don't care about him. I didn't care about myself. I didn't care.

Everything turned black.