It's personal

Thought

Personal (thoughts)
Just When you think everything is okay it gets fucked up. especially when you thought you got past the scary thoughts but they come back making you just wanna scream until your throat bleeds until all you could do was cry because your throat hurt so bad you wouldn't be able to talk for months.

It feels terrible because you have to try to stay calm around people and maintain your sanity but your having trouble because you know one will see past your fake smile and notice that you ain't at all what you look like. They see past the endless I'm fines and the promises knowing that you are dying on the inside to tell.

But you don't so they leave it be not wanted to pick at a open wound. The thoughts are scary they eat you alive they came with no warning just randomly and constantly making you want to pull your hair out. But little by little those thoughts create a deep hole were they will hide and let you feel free and safe and happy again but only to come back maybe months or years or weeks later to take that away.

You go threw it again and then they disappear, you go threw counseling to make you feel better and you think it's works but the thoughts laugh at you at your stupidness. You have finally been happy for years and you think there all gone, your going threw a great patch in life weather your married with kids or your Doing great in school or you just got a awesome job or you just had your first child.

You think your life is going great until they come out of the darkness and create terror. Your spouse cheats and leaves you with nothing and the kids or you start to get bullied everyday at school and flunk every test or your boss fires you and you have no where to go and have no money or your baby dies. You know there the cause of all this.

You scream and scream until your throat bleeds, you cry because that's all you can do you don't talk for months, you pull at your hair every day and rip chunks out. You lock your self in your room everyone banging on the door trying to get in trying to help but you refuse they make you stay they destroy you.

They tell you terrible things, tell you lies, tell you no one loves you that you aren't wanted in this world every day every second every minute every hour every week. Until all you can hear is there laughter and the sound of nothing.

They tell you that you are worthless just a waist of space and air. They lay a heavy cold metal object in your hand and wrap your fingers around it tightly and slowly bring your hand up until you feel the cold on the side of your forehead. They look you in the eyes and tell you the one thing that will destroy the last hope you have left.

It was your fault.

There was no more you were finally free of the scary thought you were free. Only to never know that you left behind many people that loved you and needed you that they were lying.