Knocked Up And Knocked out

Dreams are simply dreams

I lay there, my hair flowing in the warm summer breeze, my skin browning with every second I sat there in the warm bright sun. I sat up, wiping the sweat from my forehead, my brain melting away in the pure silence of the beach. I look down at my body, perfectly toned for these bikini weather days from my hours at the gym running endlessly on the treadmill.

I look forward at the ocean. As I look on it seemed as though the water went on forever, an unending sea of hope. The water seemed like a never ending repetition of waves. As they slowly rose, their sparkling light blue glory shinning in the light, and almost seemed to stop for a second as though they were frozen, or time had stopped simply so their beauty could be viewed for longer before they crashed into the sand and disappeared, never to be seen again.

I look down again at my stomach, but this time something is different. My vision is blurred and I look back up at the waves as they slowly start to fade off into the distance, as I awaken from my slumber. I should've known it was just a dream. I should have known that there wasn't a world in which all was right and I could simply lay on a beach without worries. Should have known that the body I spent all those hours in the gym working to achieve would not be apparent this summer, nor would I spend my days lounging on the beach enjoying the sun and the fresh air.

I look back down at my stomach, now realizing I'm no longer dreaming and as the reality of it all comes rushing in I realize that this is it. This is the end of the days I spend lounging around, for starting in a month or so I was the person your mother always warned you about. I was that girl who got herself knocked up at 15 and didn't get an abortion.

I got out of bed, slowly not wanting to admit that my dream was simply that, a dream. I walked to my bathroom, looking in the mirror at my bed hair, tired eyes and bulging stomach. I grabbed my brush from the counter, pulling the hair tie out of my rat's nest and slowly beginning to brush my hair. I looked over at my sister who had just opened her door and smiled at me as she walked to the kitchen. I almost laughed as I watched her in her fully clothed, hair brushed state make her way to the kitchen at the same time I had barely awoken.

I hopped in the shower, letting the water fall onto my shoulders, as I felt almost as if I weren't there. I felt almost as though it was all a fake, as if everything were just a long dream and that I would soon wake up. I felt as though if I had disappeared off the face of the earth at that very moment, nobody would even notice, nobody would question where I had gone or what had happened, they would just go on with their days, not knowing any the wiser. I slowly realized that even if that were true, I would still have to get out of the shower eventually, especially since soon the water would get cold and then I'd just be cold and alone.

I got out of the shower and got dressed, but then being who I am I laid back into bed, hoping that maybe just maybe the world would just disappear. It's not that I myself wasn't excited to be a mom, personally I honestly think it's amazing. I have basically been a mother for the past few years anyway, with my mom distancing herself from us I had felt as though I had no choice but to step in. I couldn't even remember the last time I spent a day without doing the dishes, or making at least 90% of everything everyone ate. I mean hell I even pack my sisters lunch for her.

I was excited to be a mom, to get to have a child of my own, it was just the aftermath that scared me. It was all the people who find it so hard to believe I'm still with the father. It was all the people looking at me as though anything I ever wanted to do anymore had become the impossible. It was all the studies that made it seem as though by keeping my own child I was ruining his life before he was even born.

"Hey preggo, mom wants to know if you want a smoothie?" my sister said, poking her head into my room pulling me out of my thought and once again back into the real world, like when I had awoken earlier.

"Ahhh.... No thanks, but I do need a ride into town if she wouldn't mind." I replied. I had plans today with my infamous baby daddy. I feel so bad calling Tyler that. He was more than just a baby daddy, he was my boyfriend and honestly he was the type of guy I could honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with, but lately all that anybody seems to care about is whether or not he's the baby daddy, and whether or not we are still together.

"She's taking me into the store at 11 if that's good with you" My sister replied. My sister Mary had always been one of my best friends, and since we were only 16 months apart she was always that person who I looked up to, even though we were so close in age and had essentially accomplished all the same feats. Even though Mary was 16 she still didn't have her license yet for a bundle of reasons. First off there's no way our mother would buy her a car, and since we only have mom's little car that she uses for work, Mary can really only drive with mom anyway, so a permit works just as well as a license, plus she didn't get her permit till about 2 months before she turned 16 anyway.

"yeah works for me, thanks." I replied before she walked off into the hallway and disappeared. I sat up and looked down at my bulging stomach and took a deep breath before getting up and heading towards the kitchen, ready to face the day, forcing myself to come to terms with the fact that this reality wasn't some twisted dream. Forcing myself to come to terms with the reality I am forced to face and leave the safety of my room, which had become my sanctuary, an go on with another day.

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Hey guys.  This is my first chapter and i know its kinda lame but i hope you all like it at least enough to wait for the next chapter.  I love feedback and i promise not to get hurt if i get any bad criticism haha.  Thank you for reading.