The Tree Killer
There once was a man who worked at a gas station in the middle of the wilderness. He often tended to the pumps in his working hours because he felt things for them. Every other day at twelve o clock in the afternoon, he would leave the pumps and walk out into the woods to eat a hefty fistful of his own feces. Each time he did, though, the trees would mock him. This nameless man hated the trees so much, he would attempt to chop them down, but every time he did he would become dazed and confused and would walk back to the pumps.
One day, as he was pounding down another handful, the trees called him a Damned Idiot. Such words greatly hurt him, and as a means of revenge, he filled a gas can full with gasoline and poured it all into the trees. Proceeding, he then whipped out his handy lighter and in one slow motion, he cautiously consumes it. He then continues to eat two more handfuls of crap and dies of internal hemorrhaging.
The end.
-Brayden Fox, Noah Rebek, 2013
