mirror mirror on the wall.

Closed door

"-ick. Rick. Rick!" 

My head shot up and I looked around, clearly disoriented and half asleep. The teacher, Helene Maté, had one eyebrow raised as both her hands were on her hips. She had stopped talking, how had I not noticed? Sitting up slightly, my hand went through my hair, uncomfortable as the weight of the stares from my classmates got heavier with the minute. "I understand that you're an art student and that theory class isn't the most interesting thing in the world. But please, pay some attention."  Laughter was heard from some of the girls. Really? It wasn't even that funny.. 

"Yes, I'm sorry miss Maté. I'm just tired. Is it okay if I go to the rest room for a moment to clear my head?" Her expression softened and she nodded, gesturing it was fine for me to leave. 

As I got up the scrapping of the wooden chair over the plastic floor seemed awfully loud. My shoulders were hunched as I walked away, the stares even worse now. I hated it, their eyes going over my body. The body I so much resented. As I left the crowded classroom and entered the hallway I took a deep breath. I was getting tired too fast lately. My body was running out of fuel.. 

Once calmed down again I started my journey towards the bathroom, the big windows of the hallways letting in the maximum amount of natural sunlight. Good for our inspiration the teachers always repeated. The more natural light, the better the art apparently. The whole school was like this, big windows, spacious rooms. Old wooden chairs and tables, which had the to be expected amount of time-worn looks. It made it all the academy I knew so well, and loved so much. But the last two years have been hard on me. Stress and depression had started to run my system after my twin-brother had...left. I shook my head, no time to dread about Simon, he wouldn't have wanted that. 

After a few minutes of mindlessly walking through the maze which were the hallways in this old school I finally found my rest room. The one without a mirror. Entering it I immediately closed the door behind me and walked towards the sink, splashing some water in my face and taking a deep breath. The door to the restroom was opened and my head shot up, eyes big. No one ever used this bathroom. "Ricky...are you okay?" 

Charlie. Ah, should've known that at some point she would find out where I went.. "Yeah. I'm alright."

As she walked in, not even slightly bothered by the fact that it was the men's restroom, her dark eyes analyzed my face. "He's getting into your head again isn't he?" Damn it Charlie, stop knowing me so well. Could be expected though, she had been my girlfriend for five years, being high school sweet hearts, before it had happened. 

Shrugging I looked away, not wanting her to see the look in my eyes. It was already tough enough that we had ended up going our separate ways. Him being her best friend and then him being my twin it had left it's consequences. "I'm fine." I said, being distant. Her laughter was sharp as she took a step towards me, and I looked at her. Really looked at her. Five years, and still she could amaze me. With her 6"3 she was a staggering height for a girl. But she could handle it, with her cheeky smiles and warm glances she was one of the most beautiful women I knew. Which made it even more painful. As I knew it was never going to work anymore.  Simon had left behind too much damage for either of us to be able to be together for big amounts of time. I reminded her too much of him, him, the one I so much loved but also resented. For the fact that no matter how much I loved her, she always had loved him more than me. And I had known from the beginning all I had been was a way for her to be with him without risking their friendship. A replacement. But I had enjoyed being that replacement. I had enjoyed her misplaced affection. But now with Simon gone there was nothing left to replace, all I had become now was a painful reminder of what was missing.

"You're everything but fine Rick. You can't fool me with your lies, I can see right through you." 

"I know you can Charlie. Just get back to class. Miss Maté might give you a lecture again." 

She grinned, her eyes glistening dangerously. "She might, she might not. I don't really care. It's an overrated swine anyways. Always praising her own art." That was Charlie, straight forward and honest. Two qualities which made for a great and loyal person, but which were also many times confused for being mean and arrogant. I could manage a small smile and she smiled back, suddenly seeming sad. 

"What are you doing with your life Rick. Look at you. You've become like a ghost of your previous self..." 

Ouch.    

"Thanks." I said, the word coming out more angry than I had planned. Hearing the anger she sighed and shook her head. "I guess I'll just leave you be then." She turned around and closed the door behind her. Closed the door, like Simon had closed his. No one had known how he had felt, he had always been the quiet one....sure.  But never once he had told us how depressed he had been. Maybe we should've noticed. Maybe we were too self absorbed to even realize the possibility. And then when I had found him in his room....

I felt sick again, getting light headed I leaned on the sink and took deep breaths, my mind shutting down again. I should've noticed, I should've known. And now he was gone. And we won't ever get him back....