Search For Love

If Only

I am the little boy with the birthmark.

I remember the plane crash. hesitantly I wait quietly in the corner while the big boy talked to everyone. Ralph, Simon, and Jack had gone to explore the island. I wish I could have gone, but I know I can't keep up. Besides, who knows what's out there?

As the distant shapes of the big boys fades into the hazy horizon, i turn and look at who else was there. With a sigh, I realize I know no one there. A few of them were giving me dirty looks, like the boys in my class at school. Blushing, I duck my head and look into the forest. The sunlight drifted in, with the lagoon throwing off the shadows.

Standing up, I stand on the treeline. Tempted by the sight of fruit in the distance, I go in the forest, ignoring the big boy trying to take everyone's names.

The trees cast a lot of shadows. I shiver as creepers brush my legs, and i trip over one. accursed plants, I think. After I pick myself up I keep going the short distance to the grove of fruit trees. My mama never let me climb trees at home, so I am eager to try. Shakily I grasp the lowest branch of a bearing tree, but I cannot pull myself up. Disappointed, I sit at the trunk of the tree.

I watch as flies buzz around fallen fruit, and little bugs crawl through it. A few yards away a bird pecks at a rotten piece. The sun slants through the trees, and I hear the other's voices in the distance, just barely audible. I pick some fruit and have a meal of it. An incomplete one but it was food. Drowsy in the sun fruit juice on my lips, I nod off to sleep.

When I wake, I can still hear the other boys, but now they're closer. As I open my eyes, I see them playing in the grove, half-eaten fruit scattered everywhere. A few of them have managed to climb into the trees, but only halfway. All of them who had climbed have scraped elbows or knees.

One of them, a rounder one a few years older than me, had an ugly sneer plastered on his face as he sat at the ripest fruit tree. His ugly amber eyes meet mine and he cackled.

"Well, look, the baby is up." He said hurtfully. I brushed him off, as most of the other boys did. Two of them, though, joined in his jeering.

"Look at that face!" said one of the others.

"Yeah," chimed in the third, "I'm not surprised he ran away earlier."

"I bet his mama hated him!" returned the first.

I just turned my head, trying not to let them see how much their words hurt.

"No, you're wrong." said a fourth boy. I get a spark of hope in my heart. "His mother would have abandoned him at the zoo, with the monkeys. He's too ugly to be seen with." At this, I stand, tears in my eyes. Hanging my head, the boys know they hurt me as I walk off. I wander off into the forest, deeper than before.

I hear a crashing sound behind me, and shouts. Fearing it to be the other boys, I start to run, tripping over creepers as I stagger deeper and deeper. Something made me fall, and I sprawled out into the bushes. Staring into the darkness, I see something staring at me. A face. It was a beast!

I scream and pick myself up, running back the way I had came. When I come back to the grove, I'm out of breath and everyone stares at me. My sweat covered face must have been quite the sight, for it gave some of them quite a fright. I keep going, down to the beach, by myself. By the time I sat and stopped panting, someone had come behind me. Turning my head, I saw a boy a bit older than I. He sat down beside me.

"Hello." he greets. I nod in return. "What were you running from?" he asked. Shakily and hesitant, I tell him about the beast I saw. Nodding in understanding, he stands once more and walks off without another word. I sit for a while and watch the sun sink lower.

I hear the conch blown, and get up, making my way to the lagoon. I see the big boys, tired yet excited, sitting and waiting. I numbly take a seat among the boys of my age. The boy who talked to me earlier caught my eye and came closer.

"Hey." he says. "I told the others about the beastie." I look at him, perplexed. "They didn't say anything bad, don't worry." he assures after seeing my face. "They believe you." He cleared his throat. "So?" he asked.

"So what?" I return, unsure of what he was asking.

"Are you gonna tell the chief?" he asked, then waited expectedly. My face dropped.

"Me? Talk to him?" I mutter, nervous. The boy nods. "I can't." I say, and turn away before I catch his evil grin. The grin of one with a plan.

As the assembly begins, I listen to the reports. I take a relieved sigh as Ralph tells of his father and the hope of rescue. I start to daydream of home, when I realize everyone around me is looking at me. The boy smiles at me, and then everyone pushes me forward. Terrified, I stand there, unsure.

By the time my story has been told and ridiculed by the elder boys, I'm thoroughly embarrassed. I take a place further back in the crowd. When they start discussing the fire, my attention is caught. As everyone heads off to start the fire, I strike out, finding wood for the fire. Finally, the fire is ready and about to be lit. Decidedly, I make up my mind. I would go find

beastie, and prove to everyone that it was real. I sneak out the back and into the forest.

Distracted by my search, I don't notice the boys from earlier come up behind me.

"What's he lookin' for?" The biggest sneers. "A place to hide?"

"Maybe somewhere to run away from the shame of having the chief not believe his story." The second teased. I continue my search, ignoring them.

"What;s wrong with you!" the final one shouts. "We're talking to you!" I pretend like they're not here, until I feel hands grab my arms. I am lifted in the air.

"Hey!" I shout. "put me down!" I demand. They laugh at my protests.

"Here you go!" the oldest says as they hang me by my trousers on a tree branch. Cackling they run away. I struggle desperately. I can hear them all in the distance. The roar of a blaze growing. I barely get free as I see the flames approaching. Hopelessly, i try to run around it, but the flame wall was too wide. I decide to run, and run I do, like I've never run before.

It was too late. my accursed foot got caught in the creepers again. As I fall, I glimpse the beautiful flame. My head strikes a rock, and I feel the heat as everything goes dark.

I am the boy with the birthmark. Mistreated and misunderstood, I only wished for a content life. Yet every day I had the mockery of others surround me. My attempts to be loved, or at least appreciated, had been the fault of me, my desperation a curse in the end. Back with the others, only the one had mourned for me. He was the only one who had ever been my friend. My name was Jonathan. I was the boy with the birthmark.