December 03
Explain to me. Explain how you let go of the person that you love most. Tell me. Tell me how you do it I beg you, please. My heart aches in pain. Im heated, i feel weak. You were my strength and you were the biggest weakness. You knew that and you used that against me. Im asking myself how can I stop this pain?
"Time, " my conscious says.
"What the hell do you know about time? You are the most impatient person there can be, time isn't a solution to this problem."
Great. Now I'm all alone to deal with my problems. With no one around, with no one to listen. But this isn't even a surprise to me, I've had to fight my battles all alone, with or without you, and this, this is a war I have to fight myself. I miss you Isaiah.
Isaiah was the most perfect guy in my eyes. He was full of personality, of humor especially. He is tall, extremely a handsome man. He is a beauty. His hands were the manliest, the way he looked at me would bring things out of me that no one else can bring out. Isaiah was once the perfect man. But things soon started shifting. They shifted so hard I didn't have time to realize who this person was.
What the hell am I doing in this fuck up place anyways? Was it necessary to even come?
"Evelyn, please tell me everything from the start. Every single detail. I need to know what happened." My therapist insisted over and over again.
Great another person that wants me to repeat what fucked me up. Why cant people understand that pain hurts. That pain needs time to heal and then I'll be ready to speak. But of course not people want me to talk right now.
"I don't want to break out crying and think. Its still very hard. I miss Isaiah."
"I know I am truly sor...."
"Save your sorry bullshit please Judith! I don't want to hear that I deserve better or that he is stupid and didn't realize what he did! Save it! Ive heard far too much and I'm tired of that bullshit ass crap! I will tell you everything detail to detail, but don't interrupt do not ask questions." My anger was to the top. I feel bad that I had to talk to Judith that way, but I am so tired of so many things I had to make that clear. Alright Judith just listen and please do not speak.
