Girl of the roses

Chapter one

When I wake up, I know I'm hurt, even though I don't feel any pain. I can hear noises all around me, beeping, something that sounds like an oxygen machine, dripping. I can feel something tickling my nose, something tugging at my arm, the rough fabric of a hospital gown. It smells entirely too clean in here and it's making me dizzy, or maybe something else is making me dizzy, it's hard to tell.

"Dad?" I mumble.

"Ryan? Oh, thank God, you're awake!"

"What's going on? Why am I here?"

"You were in a car accident, a really bad one, but you're ok."

"A car accident? Wait.. where's Danielle?"

"Um, Ryan, Danielle..."

"Where is she?"

"She didn't make it. She was killed on impact."

"No.. no, there has to be some mistake.."

"I'm sorry, Ryan." This cannot be happening. My mother died two years ago, and now I'm losing my girlfriend too. In a rush, it comes back to me; Danielle driving, hitting a patch of ice and the car spinning out of control. Noise, so much noise. And after that, boots crunching over broken glass, the ice cold pavement against my skin, and the blood, there was so much of it. I remember someone talking to me stay with us, can you tell me your name? And after that nothing. I was sure that was it, that I was dead, but I'm not.

"I remember now.. we.. we hit a patch of black ice and.. that was it, it was over, just like that." I whisper.

"When I got the call, I thought I had lost you." He jerks awake.

"Oh God, oh... Ryan, I'm so sorry, I was watching something else and I fell asleep."

"Turn it off!" He fumbles with the remote

"Why? Didn't they say I was alive?"

"They said you were in critical condition, that I should come down right away."

"What happened then?"

"You were in a coma for three days, they said you're lucky it wasn't longer."

"Three days. What's today?"

"Friday."

"So the accident happened... Wednesday?"

"Yes."

"Danielle has been gone for three days, and I have too, kind of."

"I know this is a lot to process."

"Yeah. It is." I should be screaming, crying, something besides just lying here staring into the blinding fluorescent light, but it's as if every feeling has evacuated my body leaving me numb.

"Ryan?" My dad asks, he sounds nervous, like this is not the response or reaction he was expecting, well, dad, it's not what I was expecting either. I expected to feel something, but it's not there. I'm numb, if that counts as a feeling, I'm not sure it does.

"Just.. I'm in shock, I guess."

"I understand. Do you need anything?"

"No. Not right now."

"Let me know."

"I will."

******************

I wake up hours later, tangled up in the covers, and it's as if every emotion has flooded my body at once. She's gone, Danielle is gone. I suddenly can't breathe or think, the only thoughts in my head are of her and the accident, the accident and her, and they seem so adamant on being the only two thoughts in my brain. I gasp, trying to hold back tears, but it doesn't work. It's like everything from the past few days has built up and now it's exploded out.