Absolve Me

Nothing is as it seems

" Carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed I lie here charmed."

It was a nice thought to believe that, once, I used to be a good person - that I had all the necessary things that you require for humanity. Empathy, conscience, sympathy and a healthy respect for life. When now, I feel two things, two things that are powerful enough to hold me over until I die eventually. Passion and Pain.

Passion, so messy and so simple. Whether it is killing, loving or fucking. Passion gives you the adrenaline rush to do things you normally wouldn't do while your mind is still rational. Passion pushes and pushes until something breaks. Either it breaks into mind-blowing pleasure that numbs your senses as it works through your body, or, passion is a pent up emotion that pushes out in the worst ways, like killing your lover for cheating on you. In that moment all that passion gets channeled into one thought - and in that moment of guilty pleasure at getting revenge - passion courses through your veins making it feel right in all the wrong places. Passion is dangerous and alluring.

Pain on the other hand, it is what keeps me grounded - it makes me feel like I am actually real. If I can feel the pain then I'm meant to be here - it is when I cannot feel pain that I know I am not alive. And feeling alive is very important to me.