“Louis I have to go… I think it’s the best thing right now. I don’t want-I just need time…”
“No please baby you know I didn’t mean it. I love every little thing about you. I'm such and idiot, but believe me when I tell you that I love you for who you are not just because of how you look.”
“You know what Louis I'm tired of your insults and your stupid comments. Even though you might “not” mean them they are throwing me over the edge! At first those comments where just a joke but you kept up with it and then they got stupid. But they started hurting after a while. In the beginning of this relationship I specifically told you to not mess with the way I eat. I love eating and thank god my metabolism is fast. But from all of a sudden I started gaining and loosing pounds. You of course noticed and started making those fuc- stupid comments. They got on my nerves; you know what those comments made me do? Huh?! They brought my self-esteem down so much it’s unbelievable. It gotten so bad I started to…” I trailed off regretting what I was about to say. Louis just stood there, surprised and sad.
“I've never snapped like that but it was time to gain back my dignity, if it was still there.
“To what? What did you do baby?” he asked almost on the verge of tears.
“Do you really want to know?” I asked so quietly it almost sounded like a whisper. I was looking down at my feet not wanting to make eye contact with Louis.
“(Y/N) of course I do, what have you done?”
I looked up at him and pulled up the sleeves of one of the many jumpers* I've been wearing for almost 3 months. Louis looked down to my wrist that were covered with cuts and gasped. He kept shaking his head and cursing under his breath. He was crying so hard, I actually felt bad for showing him.
Tell me this isn’t because of me and my stupid fucking comments. Please baby.” He begged. Walking towards me and holding my hands while he cried.
I shook my head. “I wish I could, but I cant…” I had tears rolling down my eyes. He just started shaking his head and crying even harder.
“NO THIS CANT BE! I'M SUCH A MONSTER!!!” Louis started shouting making me jump. He ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. Not even bothering to close the door. I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. And I saw Louis holding my blade and driving it to his left wrist.
I took the blade from him and threw it into the trash can. “(Y/N) let me do this, I'm the one who deserves to feel this pain not you, I deserve this for being a monster.”
“No, you want to know why because this is wrong, what I did was wrong. No one should ever do this. It’s such a stupid way to deal with our problems. I know all about this. You know why Louis? Because it’s not the first time I've done this. When I was in middle school I got bullied and in my house my parents where always fighting. So I turned to self harming. But I thought about what I was doing and came up with this conclusion I'm telling you. I was clean for many years but I was at a weak place, and I became that stupid middle school girl again. But I'm not letting you do this.” I had tears rolling down my eyes but I had a sly smile on my face. Louis just looked at me in shock.
“You are so strong it’s unbelievable.” he took my wrist in his hands and started kissing them. He suddenly picked me up bridal style and walked in our room. He laid me on my side of the bed and he laid down next to me. He took me in his arms and puled down the sleeves of my jumper covering my scars.
“I'm so sorry and I will do anything to make up for what I've done. I love you and I'm not leeting anything hurt you. Please forgive me?”
“I do but never again please.” I whispered to him.
“Never again” he assured me and kissed my forehead. I started getting sleepy.
“Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this mind it was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me
I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile,
You've never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I’ll love them endlessly
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things.” He kissed my forehead one more time and then I fell into a deep sleep.
PLEASE READ *Authors note*
Thank you guy’s soo much I can’t believe I have so many reads!!! I know this is sad and I'm posting it on a place that says dirty imagines, but I just want to let you guys know that this is a special imagine because I'm one of those people who fell into self-harming its hard to talk about but i got through it. I've been clean for quite a while and if there are any people out there that are doing it because of some insecurity; I'm here to tell you to not do it. Each and every one of you is perfect and beautiful. Don’t self-harm. If you need someone to talk to I want you to know I'm here for you.
*By the way you guys should see how I'm crying right now! *
Love you all my little loving stars!!
