Inbetween living.

I ran with my little umbrella. A deep mahogany one that I remember getting in VOGUE and that I am oddly attached to. The one that I died with. I pranced through the long grass of the field that I died in. I didn't know who had killed me - or for that matter why I was killed - all I remember was the ringing of the shot, the one that sounded as if it was ripping time and space apart. It resounded somewhere within me with a dull, wet thud.

Although everything was hazy I knew that I had left something behind, something big and important. I could tell this from when I awoke with a sense of panic, a panic that I knew I was late getting somewhere I was meant to be with someone when I'd died. Someone I had loved, a golden Labrador refused to leave my side, she was not dead but I knew she was mine and that she could see me she refused to leave even though she was getting soaked. I hadn't gone to see my body I don't think I could've faced the sight without disappearing in grief - no it was better to stay ignorant about my face, my body...even what they had done I wasn't strong enough to face the sight that would be laid before me.

"Shocking isn't it?" I swung around and looked at the boy standing behind me stroking my Labrador, staring at me.

He was alive I could see it from the way he touched my dog, really feeling her, the fact that he was also soaked whereas I stood dry, he stood up and walked swiftly toward me not tentatively as if I would run from him, he knew I wouldn't.

"I wish I didn't have to do this," a tear escaped from his hazel eyes and he reached out caressing my cheek he lent toward me and kissed my lips, "I love you...Ray!"

"Aaagh!" I cried out at the unyielding pain that spread from my chest outward, the boy fell to the floor crying but I saw nothing but fire spreading from my body engulfing me, ironically burning me alive, although dead it no longer felt that way. It felt like I was living enough for me to die again and again, my vision tunneled and a blackness swept me away I blew like ash on the wind before it relented and I was in a park.

It was early morning, I was watching a girl that was me sat on a swing, stunned I looked down at myself, I was fine. I watched myself again, I had brown hair that was flying around me as I flew higher into the sky the sound of my laughing rung through my ears and the boy from earlier was pushing me higher and higher also laughing he had a golden halo of light and I blinked shocked, he had wings twice his size floating through the air on his back but the alive me obviously couldn't see the angel that stood behind her.

We looked so happy and I instantly knew it was him I had been meeting, him that I was going to. He was going to save me.

I looked down feeling a familiar pressure at my chest and I watched this time as the blue flames engulfed me from the same place falling to my knees and crying into the air, it punched the air out of me and I found my face lying on brown hard floor, it was the first time that I had actually felt something since being dead. I sat up recovering slightly slower from the more intense pain that had occurred, I was sat in the forest which resided near my house I knew that it was the same day, I couldn't explain how but my body knew. It felt more alive than before, as if there was life still in me.

I turned because I knew where I was and I knew where I would be. I was absently rubbing my inner arm at what I knew I would find myself doing, I walked into my clearing and I saw myself crying on the floor I flinched from the obvious split lip and already darkening black eye, I could still feel the impact of my single father's fist smashing into my face when I had been dropped off by my angel. My father didn't like boys he had said that it distracted me form other things such as working to pay his bills, these were vicious memories but they were important memories of my last day alive so I forced myself to watch the living me pick the knife up from the floor and drag it up along my arm.