Crimson Feathers || a phan au

1. A Quest for a Flatmate

Dan's pov

"Idiot!" I went through the small pile of opened letters in my hand. I am tired of opening envelopes of disappointment. I am the one to blame though because who in their sound mind would sell an axe to a twelve-year-old girl? I crumbled the rejected job application letters and threw the paper ball harshly against the wall on the other side of my bedroom.

I am sick of failing, utterly done with my inability to keep my life together. I'd been offered countless jobs and somehow I've managed to get fired within months of working everytime. I guess my academic results are quite deceiving.

I held my head in my hand, supporting the weight of my heavy head with my elbow that was on my knee. I then spent the next few minutes contemplating the many failures I've come across throughout my life.

I shuffled a little in my shirt and sweatpants before lifting the blanket I have been sitting on for quite some time. I hurled my head onto my pillow in frustration, hoping for a nice dream to help me escape from reality.

***

I opened my eyes, fear striking me hard when I saw my red-stained hands. I held one against my stomach, blood dripping through the gaps of my fingers. I felt nothing, the sickening feeling of the thick liquid against my touch, distracting me from my thoughts. I felt nothing, nothing but rage. But it was all gone when I was blinded by the searing heat of a bright light.

I shot up in a fright, short of breath. I looked down at my hands which were clutching onto the bed sheets for dear life, supporting my upper torso.

Clean. They were clean.

A wave of relief washed over me as I took in a deep breath. I wasn't really terrified after waking up from that nightmare. I was more shocked than scared. "Why?" one may ask. Well, it was not exactly a new experience for me.

It, having been named the nightmare by the younger me, has been haunting my subconscious mind for as long as I could remember. It used to be absolutely petrifying, but for some reason it started to leave me alone when I turned 16, only bothering me once in a few months. This is the first time it has 'visited' me in years, so you can imagine the state of awe I was in moments ago.

No one knew of my condition, and it was like my deepest, darkest secret. I'd lie about it when my mother caught me waking up in the middle of the night while I was in primary school. I'd never brought it up in conversations with my few friends at school, nor had I ever written down a description of the nightmare.

The only time I do things about it openly is through doodling in class. The nightmare didn't start out as a long, coherent scene. Hell, the one single thing I saw for the first year or so was the colour red. As days went by, it began gaining detail as well as length. So in classes I found boring, I'd sketch the new information I'd gained on a piece of scrap paper.

It often amazes me how I didn't realize the eeriness of this situation for approximately 14 years. "I have a recurring violent dream that gets slightly longer the more I have it" doesn't sound very normal, and that is why I'd never thought of seeking help. I didn't want to get thrown in an asylum, nor did I want to have a label saying 'psychopath' everywhere I go. I thought I could cope with my freak-ass nightmare, but clearly my life says otherwise.

I stopped staring out the window, and went to the bathroom to prepare for another unproductive day. I didn't have to get breakfast since it was almost noon. I guess being unemployed had its perks. I could skip meals and save money.

I used to have quite a number of friends back in the day, a couple from school and a few more outside school. They all gradually drifted away from me, finding new groups of acquaintances to hang out with. It doesn't really piss me off, I mean, who would dream of being friends with an extremely flawed human being? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I don't have friends, unless you count that overly nice old lady who owns the store round the corner as one.

Speaking of friends, I do need to find a flatmate to share the flat with. It's quite a neat little apartment, and I doubt that I could afford the rent with no job at hand. I'm just hoping it would work seeing that everything I do fails miserably. If only the gods would help me on this one.

I found myself googling the ways of finding a flatmate and hour later, and I decided that sticking sheets of advertising notices on tree trunks would require the least effort with the highest effectiveness.

Flatmate wanted

Writer's block. "My life is so hard, do you acknowledge my pain?" I grumbled as I stressfully took a bite out of a piece of plain bread.

After an hour of brainstorming and procrastinating, I'd finally printed around 20 copies to post in the park nearby. I hope I wouldn't come across as desperate, obnoxious and lame. I just need a person willing to pay half the rent, we don't even have to interact with each other at all. I probably wouldn't know how to maintain a friendship anyway.

I made sure I wasn't naked in the mirror before heading outside with the stack of paper.

I don't quite know where time had gone, but the next thing I knew, I was on the streets. Thankfully, not naked. The chilly breeze that grazed my skin brought me back to reality, where the 3 pm shadows of houses were painted half way across the street. It was mildly cold, which made me regret not putting on a jacket before heading out.

I trotted off to the park which should be relatively empty, if I am correct, since most of the kids in the neighborhood were not home yet. I've never been the active type of kid back in school. I'd always been the person who sits on the benches, watching other kids while they socialized with their friends. I guess that's what I am, a creep who likes to observe people.

I walked past the corner store and the park appeared before my eyes. Oh how wrong was I. The fairly small park was filled with overly excited children and parents. Taking a deep breath, I bolted towards a tree that was big enough to hide my giant body, and stood behind it for a few moments. I couldn't chicken out now. I had to admit that my plan was well thought out, if I finish my mission before 4, people around my age who are leaving work would be able to see the hideous sheets of paper. See? I actually planned this whole thing out.

I huffed a little and turned around, smacked one of the paper on the trunk and duct taped it on, causing the tree to shake slightly. "One down, 19 to go," I mouthed.

The humiliation of me running around the park, dodging the eyes of people continued for approximately 30 minutes. It went quite well, actually, if you ignore the fact that I nearly flattened a few children who were playing hide and seek among the trees with my sky-scraper-like body.

I managed to post all 20 pieces of paper that I had printed out in the end, and I swiftly yet clumsily dragged my unfit body back home.

The shadows had stretched further onto the road by the time I was back on the street where my flat was on, reminding me of the dropping temperature. I kept my head down to avoid eye contact with the person across the road. I hadn't had this much exercise in a long time, and I'm surprised by how quickly I could run. It's probably the fear of judgement that motivated me to rush from tree to tree as if a wild wolf was chasing me. How elegant I must have seemed to anyone that saw me just now.

I crossed my arms and glanced out of the corner of my eyes as a chill travelled down my spine. I dismissed the thought of being followed that was nagging me at the back of my mind when I didn't find anything behind me. However, I did begin jogging towards the wooden door that I was familiar with, fetching the letters in my mailbox along the way.

~~~

A/N: Hello I'm Nat. Good to see you! I hope I didn't bore you to death with this chapter.

So I'm assuming you ship phan because I mean, hello? This is a phan fiction??? Anyway, comment away! I don't care if it's something like 'AHAHHAHAHA' or 'ThE GamE', just comment if you feel like doing so.

I'm sorry if my writing is a bit crappy (I can ramble on for hours debating whether English is my mother tongue, so I'm just gonna say it's not really it).

Side note: I JUST GOT TABINOF AND I CANT AKEBDODBJAOP