Hope Bound

Chapter 4

Hope is in the hospital waiting outside the emergency hall. She runs to the doctor in a panic, "Doctor is she fine?" The doctor gives her a weak smile and says, "Yeah she is fine but quite weak and we can't discharge her until she sees the psychiatrist. So, she can't leave now. Anyways, where are her parents?" Hope is dumbstruck since she can't call Ronny's dad. Thankfully, when Hope was on her way to see Ronny, when she didn't pick up her calls after gulping down the tablets, she saw Ronny's dad leaving the house, which means that her dad had no idea about the incident. Hope ran to her room immediately and on knocking continuously at the door, Ronny who was completely in a panic state opened the door. After all, it was an impulsive decision and obviously she didn't want to die. She wouldn't have opened it if it had been her dad. But when Ronny heard Hope's voice, she couldn't stop herself from opening the door. Hope not knowing what to do, makes up a false story and tells the doctor that her parents are out of town and that Ronny was alone at home. She also convinces the doctor that she would take care of Ronny and wouldn't leave her on her own until her parents are back. But still, the doctor asks them to see the psychiatrist once. Hope takes Ronny to the psychiatrist and asks her to open up and not hide anything from her. The psychiatrist is a sweet middle-aged lady who politely asks Ronny for regular visits and discharges her after counseling and prescribing heavy doses of anti-depressants until she visits her next.

Thankfully, Ronny's dad is still not home. Probably he is out for work, again, without informing Ronny. Hope takes her to her room and hands her the medicines with a glass of water. Ronny is completely in a state of shock and embarrassed because she never thought that she could take this drastic step ever in her life. This could have been expected from Hope, but not Ronny. Hope on the other hand, contrary to expectations, is behaving absolutely strong as she collects the broken pieces. She hugs Ronny and wipes her tears. They don't speak to each other. Hope calmly makes Ronny lie on the bed and she lies down next to her. And they fall asleep.

In the middle of the night, Ronny wakes up, totally scared and drenched in sweat. She had a nightmare in which she was running on a road with no ends, in the dark and a huge shadow was chasing her. She then fell into a dark pit which finally brings her to consciousness and she wakes up screaming. Hope wakes up shocked. She asks, "Are you okay Ronny?" Ronny hugs her tight and can't stop crying. They hug each other for almost a minute and then Hope makes her lie down on her arm.

Ronny now, faces Hope and holds on to her tight. She can't stop shivering in fear. The room is dark with only a ray of moonlight. Both of them are extremely tired. Just when their minds drift off to sleep, Ronny jerks up with fear and holds her tight again. They face each other looking into each other's eyes. Hope can feel Ronny's pain that is so evident in her eyes. They don't realize when all of a sudden, there lips meet and they start kissing each other softly. Hope then hugs Ronny as Ronny's head rests on her chest and they both fall asleep.

In the morning, when Hope wakes up, suddenly her stomach twirls and twists with anxiety and guilt and may be shame too. Memories of there kiss flash across her eyes. She can't believe herself. Without having the courage to look at Ronny, who is deep asleep probably because of the medicines, Hope just runs downstairs and keeps running till she reaches home.. She runs barefoot all the way home. She is completely out of her mind. Her mom opens the door and without any eye contact she runs upstairs to her room. Seeing her in such a state, her mom goes to her room and knocks, "Are you fine sweetheart? You were at Ronny's place, right? How did you come back so early in the morning? Is everything alright?" Hope replies with an irritated tone of voice, "Mom, everything is fine. Please leave me alone. I am just tired".

Hope is completely shocked at the moment and she curses herself for such a stupid act. She says to herself angrily, "What the hell was I thinking? How could I kiss Ronny or any f***ing girl"? Oh God, please don't do this to me. Things are just slipping out of my hands. I am f***ing straight, I cannot do this" Her face turns red with anger and embarrassment. If there was a gun she would probably just shoot it right across her forhead, such were her thoughts. She furiously walks across the room thinking what to do.

She says to herself, "It was just a moment. We were tired and I was really worried about Ronny. But... but still how can we kiss!!" She doesn't know what to do. She curls up in the bed and can't stop crying. Already there are too many problems yet to be fixed. Hope didn't want another one. She was confused about many things, but never about her sexuality. She has always loved Ronny like a friend, but now when she thinks about the kiss, she somehow pictures them as lovers in all her memories. Disturbed with such frustrating visuals, she picks up her phone and calls Theo. It seems that she has thought of something.

"Hello", says Theo. Hope wipes her tears and composing herself, says,
"Hey Theo, what's up? I was just thinking about you. How are you?" Hope definitely feels guilty about lying, because she never actually thinks of Theo. But at this point of time, she has no other choice than to call him. She is extremely guilty for the previous night's kiss and so now, she wants to distance herself from Ronny, to make Ronny realize that it was just a mistake. And Theo is just her way out, basically a sidekick, maybe. Being with Theo, she obviously wouldn't have to doubt her sexuality. Yes, that is what she has decided. Hope has decided to go out with Theo, and this time, romantically.

Theo is puzzled enough to ask, "Woah!! wait, pinch me..Am I dreaming? I can't believe this is happening. Were you seriously thinking about me, Hope? Hahaha.. I am good and now, even better. Just regular stuff. Nothing much. What about you? You tell me."

Hope, embarrassed of what she is doing, says," I am good too. And Theo I just want to say sorry for having been mean all this while. You have been really nice to me. You definitely deserve an apology."

"Oh, so you have called me to apologize, eh? Emm... I think I can forgive you..But wait wait wait... You need to compensate" says Theo with a grin.

"Compensate? Okay..What is it that you want?"

"Emm..not much. Just a lunch date maybe? Tomorrow at 1 PM. I will pick you up, okay?"

"Hahaha....that is not much to ask for...I am in.. see you tomorrow..bye."

As soon as she puts down the phone, Hope gets another call. It's Ronny. She looks at her phone screen, not knowing what to do. She is so embarrassed that she cannot talk to Ronny even on the phone, leave alone seeing her. She refuses to receive her call. Ronny keeps calling a couple of times before leaving a message, "Hey.. where are you? Are you okay? Why are you not receiving my call? Are you upset with me for whatever happened last night? I am really worried and I want to see you. Are you free tomorrow for lunch? Reply asap." Apparently, the whole scenario has changed in two days. Two days back, it was Hope, who was worried about Ronny and was continuously calling and messaging her. But after that one kiss, she has turned her back to Ronny in such a way that, Ronny in spite of being sick, is totally worried about her friend. Hope finally replies after an hour, "Hi Ronny, I hope you are fine now. It's just that I had some work, so I had to leave early from your place and I am still a little busy..so I will call you later. I am okay. And it was just a mistake. I hope you know it. And, emm..I am not free tomorrow.. I have a lunch date with Theo, actually. So I will see you later, maybe. Take care." Hope, deep within, is not at all happy with her decision of not seeing Ronny for a couple of days. She is too worried about Ronny, because of what she had done to herself earlier. But she cannot face her, either. Hope still cannot understand what made her kiss Ronny. She feels that she has made some terrible mistake or maybe, she is scared of realizing something that she doesn't want to. Hope is also tensed thinking about how Ronny must have felt and if she is upset too. Rewinding the flashes of their kiss in her mind, Hope gets goosebumps all over her body. She doesn't know why.

Ronny on the other hand, feels more secure now, than she has ever felt before. Could that be the magic of the kiss? Ronny never had any boyfriend apart from the minor crushes and stuff. But it's not like she had kissed girls before, either. Hope was her first kiss. And Ronny seems to have liked it. Unlike Hope, Ronny is quite confident about herself now. She knows exactly how she feels and she is not going to lie to herself. She accepts herself, her sexuality. Well, she has never kissed a guy, so she is not entirely sure of her sexuality, but at least she is not straight. And she is happy to discover that. She now wants to see Hope more. But she is shocked to read Hope's message. She knows that Hope would be upset and terrified with the kiss but she didn't have the slightest idea of Hope going out with Theo, all of a sudden. This tears her apart, now that she knows she likes Hope, in a different way. Or maybe, its LOVE.