Born To Die ?

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
― Mother Teresa

Hello there, I'm....ummm....I... I don't have a name. But, you can call me Anamika or the nameless. You see, like every little girl I too wanted a fancy and cute name...but I... I died...no, I was killed before I could be given a name. I too had dreamt of seeing the clear blue sky, smelling the mud after the first monsoon shower, feeling the lush green grass under my tiny feet and most of all knowing the warmth of my mother's hug. But as soon as I took my first breath, it became my last. The first ray of light to hit my eyes became my last. And now I'm here...here in the world beyond the worlds. But I'm not alone. There are so many of us...some older...some younger and still some others the same age as me. We come from different places but we all have the same story to say. Would you be kind enough to listen? I promise it won't be long. I promise.

Though I have no memory of the initial period of my life, I know that like any other I too started out as a single cell. Then soon enough found a place for myself within my mother. Of course in the beginning I was nothing more than a group of rapidly growing ball of cells with little or no real feelings of any kind. But then, I started growing a heart. And soon enough a brain and all the other parts. Then one day I began hearing it. A sound so soothing for my newly formed ears. My mother's heart beat. It was always there, day in and day out, singing a soft lullaby, comforting me, letting me know that my mother is there to protect me...making me believe that she loves me.

I knew I used to make my mother throw up many times over and eat away what ever food she had. But I didn't have any control over it. I wish I could have stopped causing her discomfort sooner...then may be...she...ummm never mind. But I always intended on being a good girl when I grew up. I had decided that I would never be a brat and always keep her happy, because I loved her so much...I still do. Did you know, my mother is very beautiful. Everyone here tells me I have her eyes. I never got to see her in real, but every day I dreamt of her while in her womb. I could feel everything she felt. I know that she loved the sweet and spicy taste of golgappa and and the tangy taste of tamarind candy. And also how much she enjoyed the swings, the chirping of the early birds and watching the starts twinkling in the night sky. Every night she would dream of such wonderful things and I would watch it with her. She would show me the green fields strewn with flowers, the first rays of sun scatter through a dew drop, a rainbow form in the sky after a light rain. And when she drifter off into a dreamless slumber, I would dream on my own. I would dream of chasing a butterfly, playing in a puddle, eating ice gola till I became sick, growing up and becoming like my mother.

Sometimes I could feel that she was sad and scared. I could never understand why. I always wanted to comfort her, let her know that I would never hurt her and help her in any way I could. As I became bigger, I know I caused her more discomfort. I knew she had trouble sleeping, she stopped dreaming. I was scared initially, but then I would hear her heart beating....soothing me...comforting me. Then one day I realized it was time. It was time for me to enter into the outside world, her world...my mother's world. The place where the grass grows green and the sun shines bright. The place where there was so much more for me to discover and experience on my own. But more than any of that I was exited to come to the world where I could finally see my mother who cared for me all these nine months so that I could let her know how much I loved her and how sorry I was to have caused her some discomfort during my stay with her.

Excitement was the only thing I felt as I pushed my way out into the world of possibilities. As soon as I entered the new world I was hit by a cold draft of air. The light was too bright for my eyes and the air new for my little lungs. But even though it was not the kind of welcome I had expected, I didn't complain. All I could think of was that I was soon going to be cuddled up in my mother's arms and she would protect me like she protected me when I was within her. But then something else happened. Instead of being cuddled up against my mother, warmed by her body I was taken away somewhere else. I could hear a lot of noise, screaming, crying, shouting. I developed a new feeling...it was like a fire in the bottom of my stomach, I developed the feeling of hunger. All the commotion and the new feeling of hunger was all too new and overwhelming for me. So I cried...I cried my little lungs out...may be I shouldn't have...may be I should have kept quiet. Because soon I felt myself being lowered into a liquid. It felt nothing like being in the womb. The liquid was cold and I did not like it. I cried out in protest and soon it stated to gush into my mouth and nose. It felt horrible worse than the first gulp of air I took. Soon it stated creeping into my lungs and I couldn't breath. I felt terrified and I cried even more. I thrashed about, but the hands that held me down were too strong for my tiny hands. I kept crying for my mother to come save me. After all she protected me for so long right. But then she never came. And just like that I gave up and my dreams came tumbling down like a castle of cards.

Now that you have heard my story can you tell me what did I do wrong? Why was I robbed of my life even before I started really living it. When I look down at my home I see my brother running about and living a full life. Why was he allowed to live while I was sent away even before they got to know me. I would have been a good daughter. Please would you tell me me why my own family did not want me. Is it because I made my mother throw up many times or because she couldn't sleep well sometimes....or is it just because I was a girl?

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Dear readers,
I did not write this intending to upset anyone out there. But this is the bitter truth. I'm a girl myself and my parents love me. They have always given me the best and supported me in every possible way. With their help I have been able to accomplish much and I have become a doctor. But all this while I didn't realize that I have been living in a bubble until I started working in a rural setup and my colleague enlightened me if certain evil that's still lurking in many parts of my country. Every year nearly twenty million female children are lost even before they are born. When the whole world and my country is moving towards gender equality, female infanticide and feticide is still rampant in many parts. Though we doctors have decided against disclosing the sex of a fetus, there are still quacks out there willing to do so for money. Since there are laws regulating medical termination of pregnancy, many a times people resort to non medical and risky means of abortion often leading to maternal death. Or worse, resorts to infanticide i.e. killing the female child soon after its birth.

The only way to stop this is by spreading awareness among the population and educating the ignorant. And for this we all have our parts to play. Gender equality starts from the womb by giving equal opportunities to both sexes to live a full life.

This is me voicing my support to the SAVE THE GIRL CHILD CAMPAIGN.