This Time

The End

I was staring down at my reflection.

The rain just stopped from falling, and the sticky mud in our backyard was covered with rain water. The ripples distorted my reflection.

I sighed as I removed my mud-stained white sneakers off my feet. I sat at the wooden bench near the Narra tree. I looked up and saw its almost bald branches and twigs.

The wind blew hard that my shoulder length hair covered my face. I could smell the mild fragrance of my shampoo.

I sighed again. This day could have been good, but I always turn things around.

I smiled sadly as I thought that maybe, I'm bound to fall and screw things. I despise how I could fail everything, myself, and everyone around me.

I'm a fucking mess.

I let my feet swing to the sad melody playing in my head.

"You should go back inside, Avree," a deep voice emerged.

I didn't have to look around to know the owner of the voice.

"I'm perfectly fine here, dad."

Then, I heard his footsteps walking away. I smirked. Of course, he wouldn't stay for much longer. I was actually surprised that he noticed my absence.

Everyone was having a great time inside. It was my sister's post grad celebration. Everyone was surely beaming with smiles and telling her congratulations and all of the good things.

Why am I sulking? I should be happy for her. She's been nothing but good to me. She's perfect. Maybe, that is why I'm out here, contemplating how I could be nothing like her.

I'm too average. Sometimes, I thought of flunking my subjects just to garner attention, but I rebelled at that thought. I'm a wallflower, but I'm not that pathetic.

I don't excel, but I don't give my parents headaches. Yes, I feel like I'm failing all the time, but since no one pays much attention to me, it's only me who knows about those.

I'm an insecured bitch as my friend would tell me. I just hope that someone can see my insecurity deeper than it appears to be.

I have more demons than that, and I fucking don't know how to handle them.

I stood up, and walked to my room. After locking the door, I opened my bedside drawer and looked for my lifeline.

There, I found it.

I sat on the floor, my back on my bed. I tried to feel everything, but I couldn't. All I could feel are the whispers of the demons inside me.

Cut it. Cut it. Draw an opening, so we can escape.

And so I did.