Dying To Be Perfect - an eating disorder poem

I don't think you understand

The pain is too great to comprehend

To have to avoid mirrors and scales

Cause you're afraid you'll fail

To have the voices in my head scream

When i look at a bowl of ice cream

You look at all the other girls

With their long hair in perfect curls

And the fact that they can wear skinny jeans

And i cry if i eat a jelly bean

My heart races while my mind shuts down

And you'll never see me without a frown

I wear long sleeves to hide and cover up

And I'll only ever have water in my cup

As i get older my clothes don't get tighter

And I laugh and smile as I get lighter

I became friends with calculator

Because i found calories no laughing matter

Most people don't notice until its to late

When my mind is already filled with hate

You say you'll only stay if i eat

But that isn't such an easy feat

After four years of endless dieting

And I just want to end the fighting

But the idea that I'm not perfect

Is what makes me stay behind the curtains

I dont want the crowd to jeer and boo

All because I'm the freak who doesn't eat her food

So I sit at home

Read a book and feel alone

Im dying to be perfect

And there's only one way to be certain

And I'll fight to the death

Until I'm out of breath

Food shall never pass my lips

****Thank you for reading this****

eating disorder are not something to laugh at..they can hurt the ones you love and can kill people

if you or anyone you know is suffering from an eating disorder talk to someone!!

EDAP (Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention):1-800-931-22

The Renfrew Center- 1-800-736-3739

thanks again!! please comment!!c: <3