Actual Cannibal Justin Trudeau and the Weed Games

Ophy the Chief Wife

*Ophelia's POV*

"I'm just not ready!" the man boy screams. I take the liberty of leaving his gigantor room. I am not putting out for the likes of the man-beef, wrestler, drama teacher, prime minister ANY LONGER. I am a strong, independent woman.

"Hey, Trudeau. You speak French. Mourir dans un trou. Have fun with whatever it is you do."

I turn fabulously and strut out into the hall. I am immediately flogged by my worshippers, I mean friends. There's Ginger, Ash, Anname, Rachel and Ebola.

"Did you stick it to the man?!" Ash asks eagerly. I slip on my shades and hold up a hand as paparazzi flashes overtake me.

"Heck yes, I did. However, I'm still chief wife. I'll never lose that title."

"Good thing, too. I don't want it!" Ebola announces cheerily. "Heheh!" She gollums away, down on all fours and bloodthirsty.

"So, now what? You're free aren't you?" Ash says as everyone peels their eyes from the retreating Ebola.

"That's right...I am. We could go...I don't know. What even is fun?"

"I don't know. None of us know!" Anname replies. Everyone bursts out laughing. That laughter soon turns to uncontrollable sobbing.

"Let's go have fun, guys!" I announce, fist pumping.

"Yeah!" everyone screams in unison, fist pumping in return.

* * *

It was a march of happiness. A parade of friendship.

My friends and I tour through the war-torn, sepia-toned hell hole that is Ontario. Even amongst this, we manage to find *sniff*...joy.

After stuffing our faces with freezer-burnt ice cream and getting drunk on fermented mountain ash berries, we decide to head back to the Trudeau mansion.

We arrive late and Mr. Sexypants- I mean, Trudeau is there waiting for us, tapping his foot impatiently.

"Where were you little fluffy bumps?" he asks. Ash loads her hand gun with a heavy sigh.

"What did he call us?" she asks, her eyes never leaving the gun.

"Fluffy bumps," Ginger repeats.

"That's what I thought," Ash says, raising the gun to her temple. Trudeau lunges forth and snatches it before she can pull the trigger.

"You never answered my question."

I'm not surprised nothing was said about Ash's attempted suicide. Everyone got used to it after a while.

"We were out on the town," Rachel says, doing a little dance move that makes even her uncomfortable.

"What town?" Trudeau whispers hoarsely. Everyone simultaneously sheds a single tear as the dying national anthem fades out in the back, resonating from a small speaker. Trudeau crinkles his nose. "I thought I had that removed-"

"Look, we're done with you bossing us around...even though you're legally married to all of us."

"That's right. I am. And, as your husband and...guardian-"

"Ew," everyone says in sync. It happens a lot.

"I command you to return to your rooms...except for Ebola."

"WHAT," Ebola screams. Everyone gasps...but is secretly glad it's not them.

"You'll stay. The rest of you go."

We all slowly shifted away, slipping down the shadowy hallway.

"Sorry, Ebola," we all murmured as we disappeared into the shadows.

Thanks for reading. Don't comment something you'll regret...even though I have just written EVERYTHING I regret. Stay safe and watch the roads. They're kinda icy 'round here.

Hope you enjoy. Rate n stuff. Love ya ;)