"I really don't know how this all happened. I really don't know how I let it get this bad. All I know is that I can't handle another day."
My legs were shaking. I fidgeted with my hands and looked anywhere but at the camera recording me.
"I'm sorry. I know you will all be so mad at me, but the truth is I just can't- I just physically can't... do this anymore. I care about you guys, but I've gotten to the point where I kind of don't care anymore. About anything. I can't see the point in anything. Life, its just.. pointless. I'm living life every day, to just get through the day, nothing more. I'm living for other people. Not for myself. I stopped living for myself a long time ago."
I pause and take a deep breath. I'm not crying. I'm beyond crying. I'm just calm. I know whats coming. Its been coming for a long time.
Suddenly there was a loud knock at my window, causing me to jump out of my skin.
"I can see a person in there! You're not answering your door. Are you Ever?" A deep masculine voice called through the window.
"Wha-.. what?" I stutter. Great, I think. Now I'm going to have to start all over. Go away. Please. Just go away. I just want this to be over with.
"Alas, she speaks!" The boy's voice came through with a chuckle. "Open the blind. I've got a package for you, from your mother?"
The thought of my mother choked me up. How could I do this to her? She would never be the same again. But I have to. Because I can't keep living. It's not an option. "Go away." I say, my voice raspy.
"Um, kinda can't. Apparently I have to make sure this package gets inside the house. Can't leave until I do."
Oh my fucking god, I think. Of course this happens. Of course some random guy interupts me in the middle of my suicide video. I walk over to the window, pull open the blind and open the window up. I catch my breath at the guy standing there. He has average length blonde hair, a little bit shaggy, with peircing green eyes and a captivating smile that quickly went away when he saw my face.
"Hey... are you okay?" He asked, seeming genuinely concerned.
"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" I say, trying to calm down my breathing.
"Um, one, you're hyperventilating, two, you're crying."
"What?" I lift my hand up to my cheek and sure enough, there are tears tracing their way down. I open the window wider, grab the package out of his hands, and turn away.
"Hey, what are you- ? What are you doing." The first unfinished statement was a question, the second one sounded like a threat.
"Go away." I looked back at him, raking a hand through my wavy brown hair. I held his gaze for an intense moment then dropped my eyes. "Please." I say quietly.
He started to climb through the window. He had already seen the camera on record, the pills, the kitchen knife. It didn't take a genious to figure out what was going on.
"Who the hell do you think you are? You can't just climb into my room!" I shriek, grabbing the knife incase he tried to rape me or something.
"Put the knife down." His tone of voice was dangerously soft. He held his hands out in front of him. "Tell me whats going on."
"Why the fuck do you care?"
His face switched from shocked to angry to a deep sadness, and back to angry, all in a split second. "Put the knife down." He repeated lowly.
"Just leave me alone," I whimpered, backing up to the wall. He started walking towards me, I raised the knife. He raised an eyebrow.
"You're not going to stab me." He said.
"And how the fuck are you so sure of that? I could be a homicidal maniac."
He reached over and took the knife out of my hands and for some reason I didn't fight him. He put his arms around my waist, almost questioningly, and I started to cry. I have no idea why. I thought I was beyond tears by now. My knees gave out from under me. He carried me to my bed and sat me on his lap, just holding me as I sobbed my heart out. He didn't ask me what was wrong, or tell me to stop crying, or that it was going to be alright. He just held me. Eventually I became so exhausted. So tired of crying and my head was pounding and I was shaking and I was dizzy and I just passed out in a random stranger's arms.
