Serenade

Better Than Me

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Killian sat on his couch with his head in his hands. He'd just let go of what was probably the best thing in his life, Emma Swan. She was a blonde siren that he'd met on his way home from working at the docks. She looked flustered from a long day so he offered her a drink at a nearby bar. He was immediately drawn to her. But it didn't take long for her to see the worst parts of him. His inability to trust, his fear of intimacy. Everything stemmed from what could only be described as a crappy past.

His mother died when he and his older brother were young. They lived in London until his father brought them to America on a "trip" and then abandoned them. Liam had been eighteen and Killian thirteen. Before long Liam secured a job and an apartment, determined to take care of his brother. Killian took on odd jobs after school to help out. Four years later, Liam had been killed in a car accident, leaving Killian with no one. A year and a half after that, Killian met a woman. Milah had enchanted him with her adventurous spirit. But what she hadn't told him was that she was married to a lunatic. Her husband caught them and shot Milah right in front of Killian, murdering her. The bastard was in prison for life, considered a danger to society and to Killian.

And now all of that came back to haunt him, yet again, when he lost his Emma. They'd had a fight. She had been begging him to open up to her for weeks. True, she had an almost equally damaging past. Parents who abandoned her at birth, a first love that left her pregnant and with a prison sentence, and now a son and a bad string of boyfriends. As a result, she hadn't trusted anyone but her son, and now Killian. But he couldn't be that person for her, she deserved better. He'd shut her out and she gave up on him. It was fine, really. She needed someone who could bring out the best in her. That wasn't Killian.

Two weeks later found him still in his slump. He couldn't make himself move on from her, but he had to. He moved through his days like a robot. Wake up, breakfast, work, dinner, shower, then bed. He was simply going through the motions.

One night, there was a bang on the door. He opened it up to find none other than Henry, Emma's thirteen year old son, standing before him.

"Killian?" He asked. The two had never actually met. Emma had shown him pictures, but she didn't want to let Killian meet him until she was certain he wouldn't walk out on them.

Killian nodded and the lad let himself into the apartment.

"I want to know why my mom is so depressed. I think it's over you. I talked to her only friend, Ruby. She mentioned your name and that you guys had some trouble. I know you guys have been out, my mom told me about you. Did you break up with her or something?"

The lad finally stopped babbling and Killian had a chance to think about what to say.

"I think you should talk with your mother about this." He reasoned.

"She just keeps telling me to drop it. She doesn't want to talk about it. Look, whatever you did, please just fix it. I hate seeing her like this." Henry pleaded.

"I don't think this can be fixed." Killian said, scratching behind his ear.

"Please. Just come home with me and talk to her."

Killian sighed, the lad was much like his mother, he knew exactly how to get what he wanted. Killian would deny him nothing.

"Alright. But if this doesn't work..."

"I don't bother you again." The boy said with a triumphant smile.

Killian followed him out of the building. They walked for about ten minutes before they reached another building.

Henry pushed a button and spoke into the speaker. "Mom, it's me."

A loud buzz followed and the two walked into the building. Once inside, they rode an elevator to the fourth floor. Killian followed Henry to a door marked 416.

Henry sauntered in easily, given that he lived there. Killian hung around the entrance and finally closed the door behind him.

"Hey Henry!" Emma's voice greeted from another room. "I thought we could order in dinner and-"

She stopped short when she saw Killian.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, stunned.

"Your boy, he found me and practically abducted me." Killian replied in an attempt at humor.

"Henry I need you to go to your room." She quickly said.

The boy obeyed, clearly not one to want to awaken his mother's wrath.

"What do you want?" She demanded of Killian.

"To talk." He answered.

"There's nothing to talk about. You made your feelings clear." She crossed her arms in clear defiance.

"You deserve better than me!" Killian blurted out without thinking.

Emma's jaw dropped. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"You and me, Emma, we're a dangerous mix. You need someone that can balance you."

"Balance me?"

"Yes. Someone that has a happy outlook on life, that doesn't have so much baggage."

"I don't want someone to bring a ray of fucking sunshine, I don't need that. I need someone who understands me. A person who's grown up in a happy life can't."

She just couldn't understand. He would only drag her and her son down with him, into despair.

"Killian." She said, stepping into his personal space. "If you tell me you don't care for me, you can walk out that door right now. But I need you. You understand me, you bring that happiness you tell me I need. But if you don't want to be here, I will let you go."

She stepped back again, but after a moment he stepped toward her, taking her hand.

"Are you sure you want someone like me dragging you down? I've got nothing but wasted years in my past."

She laughed. Of all things, she laughed.

"Are we going to talk about wasted years? Because until Henry came along, my life was utter crap. I think we've both got our issues. But I need you here to help me have a better future."

Killian smiled and shook his head, taking Emma in his arms and holding her close.

"You're mad, woman." He said into her hair.