Serenade

Last Kiss

So I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes
All that I know is I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips
Just like our last kiss

(What was Emma doing between the times that Killian died and she heard the dagger?)

He was gone. Just like that. Sure, he'd made a noble sacrifice. That didn't make it any less painful. And she had to be the one to do it. She had killed him.

Her mother attempted to console her for what felt like hours after they took his body. But in the end, she wanted to be alone. Henry offered to keep her company, but she insisted that he go with Regina. She assured him that she merely needed to collect her thoughts.

She just walked and walked, unsure of where she was really going. She thought about going to the Jolly Roger, but that would be overwhelming. Too much of him at once.

Somehow, she found herself at her house. She supposed she was drawn here because Killian had picked it for her. She slowly entered, realizing that the last time she was here, it was with him. They were both Dark Ones, he came here to take Excalibur, and succeeded. They were both completely different. Had it only been a matter of hours before?

She twiddled the ring he had given her between her fingers, the last gift he ever gave her. It was supposed to keep him safe, he insisted that she keep it. Now he was gone, and so was their future.

Emma had wanted it so much. She'd finally let herself be unafraid of the depth of her feelings for Killian. She wanted a house, even to marry him. Maybe kids of their own one day. Henry was more than enough for them, but she wanted to experience that with Killian. She wanted to know that he would be there, that he wouldn't abandon them. She wanted to have the opportunity to watch her child grow and be nurtured. But it was gone in the blink of an eye.

She stood where he had, just in front of the door. He was here, alive, hours before. Without warning, she crumpled. A wave of grief suddenly overcame her, and she hit her knees in a sobbing heap. There she sat, curled up and crying for her lost love. It seemed that things would never fall into place for her. She knew she could never move on. The hole in her heart was too massive. She would simply have to do her best for her son, give him the life she apparently could never have. If anyone deserved it, it was Henry.

Eventually, she managed to make herself get up. She moved into the kitchen for a glass of water. But she felt like a robot, doing everything mechanically. She subconsciously made her way to her couch and laid down on her back.

She observed the ring, it was simple, yet beautiful. She knew it had belonged to Liam, Killian's long-dead brother whom she would never meet. She wished she had, Killian talked about him like he hung the moon.

She removed the ring from its chain, and set the chain on the table next to her. She turned it over and over between her fingers before finally securing it around her left ring finger, where a ring would go if Killian had ever had the chance to propose.

Emma felt a great pain in her chest, an aching, for what she could never have. Why? Why was her life such utter crap? She had her parents, a brother, and her son. But it seemed she could never have what every other human being could, true love. Her happy ending truly wasn't in the cards. Ironic, considering she was meant to restore everyone else's.

She had never done so much wrong that it should be denied, and yet it was. She wanted to lash out, much like Regina had when she lost her first love. But it wouldn't do any good. She didn't have the energy for it anyway. She just had to come to terms that her family would have to be enough.