Music Oneshots

If I Go

If I Go - Storm the Sky

This may trigger people with suicidal thoughts and/or depression. I'm sorry.
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We were fighting again. This has been happening a lot lately. The blame doesn't fall solely on her though. It's my fault as well. We're both responsible for keeping the friendship together, for trying at least. It's become hard. Harder than it should be in my opinion.

I don't like her boyfriend. He's not a nice person. He makes rude comments about my friend and I, even though he's dating her. He ditches her to get high with his friends and make out with other girls. He makes my friend do things she doesn't want to do. But no matter what she always caves for him, because she loves him.

We don't hang out much anymore. She spends all her free time with him. He hurts her constantly, not physically but emotionally, and yet she still loves him and chooses him over me every time. I'm her best friend, her first friend, we've been together forever but still she chooses him. It hurts.

This wasn't the first time and by now I had fallen into an abyss I couldn't get out of.

"I'm telling you! You saw the picture of him kissing that girl, again! Breakup with him! He obviously doesn't love you the way you deserve. You can do so much better than him!" I shouted at her.

"Oh yeah? Like who?!" she yelled back.

"I don't know! You're my only friend! Yet once again you've chosen him over me!"

"I did not!"

"You did! We had arranged this movie night months ago!"

"I don't remember that! But, I'm sorry. He's really broken up about this whole misunderstanding. I need to talk to him. It's important."

"More important than your best friend's birthday?" I grabbed my friend by her shoulders and stared straight into her eyes, pleading, begging her not to leave me again.

She looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

My hands immediately dropped, just like my heart. I searched her face for any evidence of her remembering. None. I moved back and sat on my bed.

"Nevermind. If he's really that important to you go. We'll hang out another time." I said finally giving up.

My friend continued to look confused, still not able to put the two obvious pieces together. She shrugged and gave me a small smile. I returned the small smile though it didn't reach my eyes. That was happening a lot lately too. She said thanks and promised not to bail next time, just as she did last time.

Once the bedroom door close I let the smile fall from my face and stared at my hands. This is the first time she forgot something so important. She never forgets my birthday. Our birthdays were always the most important...

~flashback~

We were on the phone and it was the first time we had spent one of our birthdays apart. I was meant to go over to her place to celebrate with her and her boyfriend but with my grandpa in the hospital I had to bail for the first time.

"Look, I've said I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do. He had a heart attack, what do you expect me to do? Leave my family in a time of life and death and celebrate?"

"You're making me sound so fucking heartless. I just want to spend my fucking birthday with my best friend for fucks sake."

She was angry. It was understandable. I had bailed on her on her birthday. But I still didn't expect this much anger.