With My Ending You Began

CHAPTER ONE

She put her teacup down quietly, the china clattering against other china and the table that was decorated with fine white lace. The sound of the china reminded her of the bells that hung on the reindeer's reigns she and Nicholas would poke at for fun. The way those bells jingled so cheerfully reminded her of the way they would both laugh and talk. And even sometimes the warm side of the teacup would remind her of how they whispered things that were never really relevant, just sweet sayings that they both never really meant. They'd never really meant it until they were broken just enough.

She straightened her posture again, sitting upright in her seat, watching how everybody else in the little coffee shop was reading the morning paper, or chatting with a loved one in hushed, soft tones while the rain poured outside. Not pouring yet, just a drizzle. But soon, it would definitely be pouring. The man came over to her side and smiled, holding a drink. Though his eyes sparkled, they were not Nicholas' eyes. "Annemarie, your tea." Smiling, he whipped around, ready to serve others. The tea was hot in the cup again, her fingertips were burning. But they'd burned worse. They'd burned better than Nicholas' body did.

There was sugar sitting in other china, sitting directly across from her on the other side of the table. Just sitting. Funny how they didn't run away. She'd seen too many things run already, and sometimes it felt fitting for sugar to run with them too. Stop. Stop. She closed her eyes, the long lashes brushing her cheeks. Everything seemed to remind her of him, today. Almost everyday, to say the least, but today especially. Maybe it was just the rain. The soft patter of the rain against these windows. The gentle, faint beginnings of a storm. The start of something that begins so gradually you don't notice it at first, in hushed conversations filled with childish jokes and laughter, but grows larger, bigger until it becomes impossible to see through. Until it's something beautiful. Then you have a choice, but not really yours, because it just happens. All beautiful things must come to an end, and it will either end in breaking and burning and crashing, the explosion of a star so bright it blinds you. Or it will slowly, slowly break away, piece by piece. That is the worst, feeling it slip out of your hands and knowing there is no catching it, no going back. It fades away as if it was never really there at all, the worst feeling. And finally you're blind.

Her eyelids flipped open to the sound of the man coming back and filling the young couple's teacups with tea as well. The sound of something being poured, oh so hollow. They all looked at me obscurely, giving me the same looks I saw all the time. It was the look of displeasure, Annemarie felt. Even she looked at herself in the mirror like that, looking at herself like a wilted flower. Someone who needed water and lived by the stream, but was much too poor to afford it.

Annemarie's skin was crawling as they continued to stare at her, stare at her until she could take it no longer. Laying a few of her coins on the table, she took her simple lavender bag and walked out gracefully like always. Looking like a flower ready to become battered by the oncoming storm. The door handle was cold due to the weather outside, but it was refreshingly cold, reminding her that Nicholas was gone. And the mistakes she had made with him were erased too.

Walking out onto the street, black little cars driving by each other noisily, minding their own business. There was nearly nobody else out on the streets tonight, it was much too rainy. Oh, how Nicholas adored the rain. They'd danced together out here, over and over again. Not on the same street, but in the same rain. Not in the same city, but under the same cloud. Not in the same country, but on the same Earth. She could almost feel his hands on hers, and the way he'd wrap his arms around her tight and secure, reminding her the ghosts were gone, that they weren't there.

But they were always there, because nothing that was alive could be dead, even when Nicholas could protect her. Footsteps behind her, they were loud but at the very same time they were not. Annemarie turned around, biting her bottom lip. Could it be him?