"It was just a dream..."
"ISABELLA RENE GREEN GET IN HERE RIGHT-"
"Just a moment ago..."
"I MEAN IT! I'M GOING TO COUNT TO THREE AND I WANT YOU RIGHT-"
"I was up so high, looking down at the sky..."
"ONE!"
"Don't..."
"TWO!"
"Let me..."
"THREE!"
"Fall."
oOo
My name is Bella. I am seventeen years old counting the days until I turn eighteen, contain legal custody of my younger half-sister, and get out of the hell hole I call home. I live in Sandusky, Ohio with my alcoholic, abusive step-father, my half-sister, and my coward mother who never stands up for herself or anyone else. I don't know who my father is, my real father. I also don't know why I have never met him, but wherever or whatever he is, I am sure it would be better than living here.
oOo
I shut off the radio and take a slow, deep breath a nd walk out into the kitchen. I turn towards Al, my step-father who is standing in front of the double sink with four dishes laying in it. His arms are crossed and his left foot is tapping impatiently. "What is this?" He nods towards the sink.
"A sink, I believe. What about it?"
Mistake one, I get hit, the back of his hand smacking across my right cheek.
"I don't want to hear a word out of your stupid mouth." He pauses. "What. The hell. Is. This?"
He stares at me for a second. "WELL?"
"Technically, you told me not to speak.
Mistake two. My left cheek gets hit this time.
"Well the rule is, when I get homethere is to be no dishes in the sink and no laundry on the couch."
"Well, there is no laundry."
And there is mistake number three.
His face turns beet red with anger and he takes off his leather belt. "Turn around."
I slowly oblige and wince as I wait for the first strike. I get four, three for my mistakes and one for a future mistake he knows I will make.
oOo
Back in my room I turn my music up and put my headphones in, blocking the world out. I lie on my bed, or rather my mattress because I am not worthy of a bed, and close my eyes; for a moment I visit my dad. My real dad, the one I only dream about. I envision what he looks like. Is his hair brown or blone? Mine is brown but moms is blonde so I can't tell. Is he tall? Short? Well, when I have my dad time, he is a poster board dad. The kind who will do anything, who gives anything up for his little girl, the one who doesn't abuse her but the boys who come around for her, the one who is there no matter what, through thick and thin, the one who would never hurt his daughter. The perfect dad. The dad I never had. For at least a little while I have him.
oOo
My mother gets home with dinner at five. Emma, my half-sister, and Al get their food and go into the living room to watch The Lion King for the thousandth time. I know I am not allowed in there, nor wanted. I am to eat my food at the kitchen table while the happy family spends time together. My mother sneaks away from all of them and go right to her room without food.
I eat quickly and then do the dishes and turn to go back to my room.
"Not so fast Isabella. You made a mess at the table. Clean it up. While you are at it, polish the table."
I sigh quietly but do as I am told; looks like I won't be doing my homework tonight... again.
As I am polishing the table I hear my phone ring twice but can't get to it, Al is making sure i finish completely before leaving. Once done, and after Al makes sure I did a good job, I retire to my room, where I had completely forgotten my phone had rung while I was in the kitchen. Before I got to bed I check to see if my alarm is set and see two voicemails. I click to listen to them as I change into my pajamas. My best friend, Marie, starts to talk.
"Isa... I need you. Please pick up. I'm trying to stay alive but I don't know how long I can last.... Please pick up."
I stop breathing. It goes to the next message.
"You are my best friend, Isa, and I love you, I always have. You are stronger than I ever hoped to be, and you have it so easy. Your mom and Al love you so much and you have a little sister who adores you. I wish I were you. Isa, I can't hang on anymore. I can't keep dealing with this worthless life. I am so sorry Isabells. I love you. I'm taking pills now... Goodbye, sweetheart."
My heart drops to my feet and I start to shake. I call Marie's cell but there is no answer. I try the house but no luck there either. Lost at wits I call her mom's cell and pray she answers. Half way through the last ring she picks up.
"Ms. Hannah! Is Marie okay?? Oh my God, please tell me she is okay! Please!"
Ms. Hannah sobs into the phone and takes a deep breath. Still crying she say, "Marie ODed. She is in ICU right now. She had multiple cuts on her wrists when I got home and was in the bathroom on the floor..." She trails off and starts to cry harder.
I lose it and cry, trying to be quiet because it is eleven and Emma is in bed. My hands are shaking so hard it is hard to hold the phone.
"Is... is she going to make it?"
"I don't know Bella... I am praying as hard as I can that she does. She is in a coma right now.... I have to go... The doctors need me to explain what happened once more."
She hangs up before I can say anything.
I knew Marie was depressed but I hadn't known it had gotten this bad. Oh my God, I could have stopped her. I could have talked her out of it... I could have... But I wasn't there. I wasn't there when my best friend needed me most, my one and only friend. And now she is almost gone. I lay down and sob quietly into my pillow all night.
