Like an Angel

It is late afternoon. Water is flowing out of the lake near my house, through the flow away, with an ease. It overflows only during rainy seasons, making this site an inevitable one to visit, not only for me, but also for nearby residents. I use to long for this time of the year. I am sitting at far left side of the flow away, above the stairs, letting me view the water flow and the people enjoying it, without the need to get into the water. I am not particularly interested in getting down, not this time. I just wanted to clear my messed up mind. People like me need places like these to let out the heat inside our heads, in order to be normal. The beauty of this place is doing exactly that.

Usually at this time the place gets filled with kids. Watching the kids playing in the water is an ecstasy. It is difficult to predict which is pure, either the hearts of those kids or the flow of this water. I lean in my head to look at my reflection. All I could see is the darkness behind this fair skin, built like face, eyes swallowed. I wish my memories get washed away along with this flowing water. But I doubt, even if the wounds get healed, the scars may remain, forever. I don't have an idea how to make them disappear. I better be this way. I am not intended to open my ugliness to anyone. I am afraid of getting hurt again. I will end up looking like a stray dog, a beaten snake, a hunted deer. I don't want to be a filthy being that longs for unrelenting love and care even after getting failed. Inside my heart I had become some strange organism, surrounded by dead and decayed leaves and flowers, drooling all over, gasping to breathe, eyes getting swirled up with tears that gets dissolved in blood dripping from the nose. I may get slapped and kicked down, falling like a broken branch, a collapsed building going into pieces. At last I will only be left with an unbearable pain. I don't want another moment of torment in my life. Becoming accustomed to happiness will get me to the place where my heart starts longing for someone to come into my painful world, cuddle me and love me like a child. Then life will again prove me wrong. Let me be like this water, flowing in silence, undisturbed and unstoppable.

I got immersed in my thoughts when the sun started setting at the far end of the world. I feel comfortable coming and sitting here every day, watching people getting amused by the beauty of the nature. I got up and headed towards home, sinking into the thoughts and making myself sure I won't fall again.

A week passed. The chillness of the evening breeze urges me to go have a cup of tea. I once liked walking under the dark cloudy sky, that moment before rain. I looked like a crazy person walking in leisure when others be on their foot, fearing that the sky may split open any time from now. I liked getting wet, cherishing the rain. But today is not the day. I increased my pace as much as possible to reach the shop at the far end of our street.

People started getting under the shed of the tea shop as the rain started pouring. My tea has just arrived. I started sipping it, without any haste. A girl suddenly came stood by my side. I looked at her, trying to level down my anxiety.

"Shall I sit?" she asked pointing the empty chair opposite to me.

'This is going to be hard' I thought and nodded in agreement. Who am I to tell some stranger not to sit in the tea shop?

Her serene features are making it hard for me not to look at her. She settled herself on the chair, rubbing her palms, fingers thin and long, stroking her impeccably elegant neck. She have perfectly outlined lips, trimmed brows, straightened hair and softened cheeks. I couldn't find a word other than 'sharp' to describe her eyes. She is having an artistic face. It can be sketched with finer details easily. Like an art.

She ordered a glass of milk. Do girls come to tea shop? I asked myself still sipping my tea.

"You are Tamizh right?"