I've Got You

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I woke up with a gasp. My phone alarm was buzzing on the bed beside my face. I couldn't use regular alarm clocks - their noises scared me awake, and made me think someone was breaking into my house.

Shaking the phone to trigger the alarm silencer, I sat up and threw the sheets off. My heart skipped a beat. Today was the day.

With the smacking of feet across the hardwood floor, I ran to the bathroom. God, I looked a mess. Bags under my eyes. Hair a stringy mess. Lips covered in craters. Skin a pale, pasty mess. I was going to be such a misfit on this tour. It wasn't too late for me to back out, was it? I could drive over the coffee and just tell them I wasn't coming. It would be alright. They'd still be able to go on tour - it would be so much better without my nightmares and flashbacks witholding them from plans. That's what I'd do.

I slowly peeled my clothes off, and sighed while looking in the mirror. My breasts stared back at me. I covered them with my arms, pretending there was nothing underneath. It wasn't working. I looked down between my legs and tried to do the same thing. Nope. It was still there, and would be for a long time. Whatever. They honestly wouldn't need me anyways. I hopped into the shower, ran some Axe 2-in-1 through my hair, scrubbed my body with a soapy washcloth, rinsed, and shut the water off. I got out, dried off with a towel, and sat on top of the toilet. My heart was so heavy. I didn't mind it, though. I had a habit of enjoying wallowing in misery. I'd been doing it for so long that enjoying the emotion had become part of my character. Pathetic.

I pulled my favorite hoodie over my head. I didn't care that day's forecast was to be 80 degrees. I wasn't going to care about much. One leg at a time, I put on my favorite shorts, and my feet were put into short socks with DC hightops.

My duffel bag lay on the floor under the window. Just to make sure I stuck to my decision, I left it there. Grabbing my keys and wallet from the dresser, I opened my bedroom door, sighed, and headed out for the gas station. My heart was still in the bathroom somewhere, praying for a change in my physical figure.