Lost and Found

Dec 19

My dad said I should write about my "experiences" and how I've "felt" during the past year. 

"Just write," he said. "Don't think about anyone else reading it. Just get your thoughts and feelings out on paper. No one ever has to read it." 

So here I am.... Writing. About my thoughts. And feelings. Whoo hoo.

This is so weird. Who cares about thoughts and feelings anyway? They aren't real. They're intangible pieces of flotsam which simply float through our minds and ignite a desired course of action from the user who dwells on the spark.

Andi would say they aren't. She would roll her eyes at my statement and say, "Mason, you're being so unemotional. Thoughts and feelings are important because they're what ignite change and passion." Then she would passionately start talking about the importance of thoughts and feelings. And I would uncharacteristically start to zone out as all I could see or think about were her eyes-

I'm pretty sure I'm the dumbest person on the planet.

I'm in love with this amazing, beautiful, Christian girl. I can't get her out of my head. I can't move on. She has a boyfriend. She's super smart. Super popular and friendly and beautiful. And I'm... a mess. I mean, I met her in a parking lot when I was buying ten sticks of deodorant and about to get go get high with some of my friends.

But then I think about her. I think about all of the fun times we've had together. I think about how she earnestly claps her hands whenever she's excited. The way she bends her body over and places her hand on her stomach when she laughs. The thousand of tiny, brown freckles which sprinkle across her nose. And the way her hazel eyes lock onto mine whenever I talk.

Her eyes.

I need to move on. I have to. For my sake and for Andi's. She could do better than me. I'm not who she needs. But if I'm supposed to be writing about my thoughts and feelings, here they are:

1. Thoughts: Andi

2. Feelings: Andi