This is what we Feared

Selfish

"Get ready everyone!"
My mother screamed while her new boyfriend laid his arm around her waist, making me nauseous.

"Ready, 10, 9" the count down to the new year 2016 finally begun,

"8, 7, 6" I turned my head to the left to see my life long friend Marcus screaming along with the numbers looking like he is 5 again, this made me chuckle we were all so young, but yet so old in our own ways, me having very little mature qualities. I am scared of the way my peers acted, drinking, drugs, sex, it's not me, we are too young, but then again my mother tells me that shows my maturity over the rest.

"5, 4, 3" maybe this year I'll change, I'll be the new me, the me that can be whatever I want, that does whatever she wants, and whenever she wants to.

"2" this year will be different, this year I'll be anyone but me

"1! Happy-" the crowd stops and forcing me to look up from my daze. The power goes all through the streets,

"no worries guys everyone probably just over usage in the city. Get a flashlights!" My mothers boyfriend attempts to say calmly but we all saw the hint of his fear but he tried to calm the obviously anxious room, the 8 out of the 10 of us disburses through my small house hoping to find an something to give us light, I am alone with Marcus standing in the same spot as the TV flashes back on

"MOTHER! The TV it's back!!" I scream in confusion to why only one thing received power again,

"Welcome" the screen showed, "Welcome to your nightmare." The screen shown a disturbed picture.. it was the president... Murdered. Right there on the screen in front of me. Marcus looked at me with cold empty eyes and got up and left the room, but I continued to watch the TV not even evening calling out to him.

"This is not your world anymore, it is ours, it is Delgata" I quickly remember from my 9th grade social studies mentioning this, it is a terrorist group that hates us with a passion we can't even begin to understand, my heart skips a beat at the sudden realization of the state of the world right now. The processing image flashes one quickly after another, they are all of the countries important statues, monuments, and building destroyed. How is this possible? How could this happen to our country? How did we not see this?

"Get ready because we aren't even close to done." And this screen changed to Times Square blown up with thousands of people, our people, the people of the the United States of America, if it even is that anymore.

"Alex" I think I hear a voice in the background, but still deep in thought causing me not to move.

"Get up!" A distinct strong male voice calls, one I have never heard. I suddenly turn around. Marcus with everyone else who was counting down before were standing there with armed forces sternly grabbing their arms, and holding guns... Guns, they're holding fucking guns. I stopped breathing.

"Let's play a game." One says and even though he is behind a mask I can tell he's smiling I hear it in his voice, I hear how he is enjoying this, enjoying our pain. Unable to answer I continue to stand there.

"Alright good we all agree!" The man in uniform laughs, "Alright, you," he speaks pointing at me, "it's pretty simple. You pick one person out of all of you to live including yourself. Do you save the life of one lucky person or take theirs to save yourself." Distressed looks appears on the face of my friends and family. I can tell they are all scared, I sent in their eyes, but none to selfish to speak, to save themselves which makes me feel worse about who I pick to live. If I was strong I'd fight them, I'd tell them no. But I'm 15 years old and 5 foot, I'm not intimidating. In my heart I want to be a character from a novel, I want to tell them to fuck off, I want to tell them that they will never be capable of this and I want them to listen, to run, to leave.
     I scan the eyes of these people lined up in front of me. It feels like someone who just punched me in the stomach, only I wish that was all that happened. A punch in the stomach seems pretty good about right now.

"No." I whisper barely hearing myself.

"Pick." Was all that was said. I look at my mother boyfriend.

" Save me please!!" He screams. I'm beyond surprised he's even think I would. Next I look at my mother who seems mortified at his vulgar behavior, then looks at me with a sad smile, allowing me to not pick her. I scan over the next 4 people all my neighbors who I would never save before me or my family. 2 of them were the parents having 2 child. Part of me left guilty for destroying the lives of the young children. The next 2 were my grandparents whom lived in this house with me and my mother. My grandpa has dementia making it impossible for me to save him, which made me feel like an awful human and my grandma is old how could I save her over children. Next Marcus, my obvious first choice to save, I give him a look indicating that I would pick him, he deserved to live, he was sweet, caring, not selfish, so not selfish his next words were "I don't want to he picked, pick yourself." I felt a tear drop from my eye, that I have been holding in this entire time.

"It's been a minute you have 10 seconds, 10" the man says, make me gasp because it's felt like an hour, "9, 8" boy has the count down suddenly changed, before I was ready to change myself to be daring, "7, 6" but this year has started, it is now the crazy me, the selfish me, "5" I remember a lady from the mall tell me you know you really have to protect yourself in the world, cause no one will ever protect you, be self sufficient "4" I lost breath from myself, from who I know I was going to pick, because it was "me, I-I pick myself, I want to live."

"Smart child" I can here the smug smile  of the man.

"you fucking bitch!" My mother boyfriend screams and thrashes in the arms of the men in uniform, another shoots him, in the head, making him immediately fall to the floor. My mother yells and cry, Marcus looks broken before he looks at me and gives me a  looks as if he was given money, not a premature death, his smile was big making me love him even more. And weirdly he says

"Run, don't watch, dont let this ruin you." Little does he know, I'm already ruined.

"I'm sorry," I whisper "Can I go?" This made me feel even more selfish for some odd way, I felt as if I same across like I didn't have time for these people."  The men laughed and forced me to watch each and every death, more after another, each person crying more and more. I stood there unable to move to breathe, and watched and I cried. When they were done they just left, without saying anything, and I didn't know why, and I never will.