When Everything Feels Like Its Falling Apart

Part 1 - Nightmares

Eliana

I jerked awake breathing hard and uneven, awaking myself from a nightmare that was interrupting what was supposed to be a relaxing night. So much for that folks. I slowly rubbed my eyes and took in the room around me and the peacefully sleeping pup laying at my feet.

These nightmares had been occurring every night for the past week and I couldn't stop replaying the dream in my head. I was alone in the woods looking out onto the trees feeling calm watching the wind blow through the leaves, all of a sudden I'm thrown into the ground and surrounded by dirty water engulfing all of me and taking my life away slowly. It really works its way into my mind.

It feels worse than drowning.

My thoughts were interrupted by a light knock at the door, stretching my legs out over the side of the bed, I made my way to the door to unlock it expecting to see my brother who always showed up to my door with a coffee and toast. Opening it slightly I peeked out to the messy haired boy standing outside my door. Aaron. "What do you want?" I asked looking up to him with curious and cautious eyes. How did he get into my house, let alone upstairs to my room? And this early. James, I'm going to kill him.

"I need to talk to you, please stop avoiding me," His words came out softly from his lips and I noticed he had large bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept well since I last saw him. "I know you don't want to, but at least hear me out please."

I hesitated, it's not like I wanted to go out of my way to not see him. In fact I wanted quite the opposite which is why I was avoiding him in the first place. He was affecting me too much far too soon, I barely knew him. I didn't really understand exactly why I was feeling this way towards him. What is this feeling I get in my chest every time I look at him and why do I like it more than I'm supposed to. If it was a crush, I didn't like it, at all.

"Alright Aaron, you have two minutes to the second. What do you want?" I said, not even sure if I wanted to hear him out.. I need to. He just stared at me for a moment with his fiery brown eyes holding so much emotion towards me, I wasn't really sure what to make of it. He quickly looked down and whispered something to himself I couldn't make out.

"Can I come in? I think you should sit down for this."

I stepped slightly to the side to allow him to walk in, still feeling confused what he was doing here in the first place.

"Thank you," he mumbled so quietly I barely heard it.

He sauntered slowly over to the desk next to my bed and took a seat in my chair, looking up to me and carefully reading my expression. "Alright I know you don't want to hear me out, but thank you for giving me a shot." he said with determination in his voice.

"Well spill it, what do you want to tell me?"

"Can you sit down for this, I think it would be easier to hear this out."

I didn't really want this conversation to last very long but by the look he's giving me, I suppose I could sit and listen. I shuffle over to my bed unwillingly and take a seat.

"Ok I'm sitting, can you just tell me why you're here now?"

"It's about your parents."

My face drops completely, I haven't talked about my parents in years. How could I? It still doesn't feel real to me. I still remember the soft sound of my mothers voice singing me to sleep every night. She never failed to put me right to sleep. And my father, always coming in after her to tuck me in nice and tight. I'll never forget them, I'll never forget the moment I lost them.

"What the hell do you mean its about my parents?" I spit out harshly, I didn't mean to say it so rude but who does he think he is bringing up something that is none of his business. James doesn't even bring them up. Nobody does, it just hurts too much to think about. "Whatever you have to say I can assure you I do not want to hear it." I say a little bit calmer.

"Eliana, please, let me tell you this." he replies pleadingly, looking at me intensely.

"I don't think I can," I whisper, feeling tears on the corners of my eyes. "I think you should leave." I can't handle letting him see me like this. I just can't. I don't like looking weak to anybody.

"I know it hurts you but hear me out, it wasn't an accident Eliana."

Those words are not what I was expecting. At all. Not an accident?? It was a fucking fire, who the hell would do that on purpose?

"I know who did it you have to believe me." he responds right away, I just realized I said part of that out loud. Shit. "I know it isn't something easy to get through your head but I really need you to get it together, it's important for your safety." My safety? What the hell.

"What are you talking about? Can you give me a second to digest what you just said please?" I throw out quickly before he can continue talking. I lay my head back onto my pillow and take a deep breath attempting to hold on to whatever reality I have left.

"Please get out, I don't want to see you right now" I say as politely as possible, I can't handle this right now.. Not now, not ever. Whatever it is I don't want to deal with it. I cope with the loss that has been thrown at me, isn't that enough?