I remember getting out of bed for the first time. Not cause I wanted to but it was because I was forced. I didn't want to. I just wanted to lay there at stare up at my chalk white ceiling and not move.
"Go take a shower you smell like shit" a close friend Tyler reminded me. Some sense of mine listened and so I did. Maybe today the depression wouldn't be so bad? Maybe today would be a bit better.
"How are you feeling?" Tyler said with a worried expression on his face. I shrugged it off and kept scrolling through my Instagram feed.
"I asked you a question Har"
"I'd really appreciate it if we could just sit in silence. Okay? Great." He sat there for a few seconds and swiftly got up.
"Call me if you need anything"
"Kay"
"Harry?"
"Hmmm?" Maybe he'd stay. I didn't want him to go. I wanted to hear something that would make me feel better. But life isn't about that.
"Don't do anything fucking stupid okay?" I understood why he said it. Therapy wasn't the best after years of it. You could only be sent back to therapy so many times.
"I won't" There. I couldn't even tell if I was lying or telling the truth. The pain felt so unreal. I didn't want to believe that my life was falling apart before my eyes but it was happening. And I couldn't stop it.
