My Thoughts.

Me- 2015

Alexsandria Carolyne Barrus

There isn't much to say about me. I'm sixteen, born 1999 on the last day of June. I have gone to Lake Stevens School District, Marysville School District, & a few different other schools. But I mostly remember Lake Stevens & Marysville. I've gone to (going in order by what I remember) : Pinewood, Skyline Elementary, Lake Stevens Middle School, Cavelero Mid High School,Totem Middle School, & now Marysville Pilchuck High School.

I don't remember much of my childhood, (Here's where it gets dark) but I remember the fall out of my family. I don't remember how old I was but, I know I was young. I know at the time I was in Marysville In a small house. My mom was drunk one night and got in a fight with my dad (not my real dad, but was there at the time so i call him my dad). They struggled to keep it together. So they separated, & made me decide who I wanted to live with. My mom being the one who asked me. I said her. I lived with my mom for a three or more years. Then I moved in with my dad in Lake Stevens. Once I moved, personally I didn't hear much from my mom. When middle school started. I was starting 6th grade, i was going to Lake Stevens Middle School, life started to actually get harder. Where things actually started to become real. Like grades started to matter. I know i used to be extremely happy without a care in the world. When middle school started. People words started to affect me. I slowly stopped being myself. By the end of sixth grade I didn't talk unless it was with my little to no friends I had at the time.  7th grade rolled around, & it just got worse the bullying. It wasn't just verbal this year, I was physically getting shoved against the walls in the hall, punched in the stomach every now and again. But I didn't talk or report it, I just let it happen. I stopped caring about everything. My look, my health, etc. My grades dropped & I sunk into a depression state. But I will not go into detail on that. Nothing much really happened in 7th grade other than minor behavioral issues and other stuff of that nature.

8th grade came around shortly and I started out at Cavelero Mid. High School.  I started out the school year poorly, with a bad attitude, &  was failing all my classes
besides math. Not even two months in. So my dad had contacted my mom.  Note I still really haven't talked to her. So she showed up one day after work. I had a friend over at the time. But she came into my room where my friend & I were. She said in an tone of disappointment & anger : "You WILL have all your clothes & your school sh*t packed by Sunday night, Period. This behavior crap is gonna end, & quickly at that." . After she said that we started fighting. me yelling that what she was doing wasn't fair repeatedly, & her responding with "Life isn't fair so deal". We kept doing that back and forth for an hour. Finally I just gave up with fighting. Sunday came around. My Mother showed up. We started packing my stuff. I would now be living in Marysville again.
So finally getting settled in with my mother, & my step dad Kris. There was a lot of tension in the apartment between me & my mother. I was living in the apartments across the street from Totem Middle School, right by Taco Bell. I didn't start at Totem till late October maybe early November. Once I started, I didn't talk unless spoken too. But I still had that bad attitude, I started to get bullied on the first day, people saying I stunk because i lived with cats & the small apartment smelt like cat boxes. I was picked on because of my overbite & chipped teeth. I was bullied for the way I dressed.  I was bullied for a lot. It was always in the same classes from the same people. They kept at it till they got reactions from me. Somedays I would snap & yell at them, I would cuss them out or flip them off. I knew reporting it wouldn't do anything. I didn't do anything in the past. What's so different now? Is how I saw this. I didn't try that hard in 8th grade so I didn't really pass. Soon the end of the year came around & it was time to choose what high school to go to. I chose two schools from Getchell & my third option was MP. It's obvious what school I ended up getting.

The start of ninth grade was terrifying for me, I was starting high school for crying out loud. Who wouldn't be scared. But in all honesty this paragraph is gonna be short cause, I really didn't do anything my freshman year at MP. I was taking Japanese, and ROTC. I don't remember most of what I did other than Be a loud & annoying teenager. But it was a pretty good first year.

I will not be talking about Tenth grade because of big reason. (You can talk to me about them if you want to know).

11th grade has rolled around. Junior year in high school. (wow). Almost out of here. Honestly I'm not ready to become a senior. The fear of leaving high school into the world, it's a scary thought. You lose your friends that helped you through the years. But in the end. Does anything even matter. At least friend wise. the only thing that matters is if you get that diploma. That's honestly the only that matters at the end of your high school year.  All I have to say is that : I can't wait for what this year is gonna give me. I'm in JROTC, I'm on the Armed drill team. I'm hoping to perform in the competitions. I try to be as involved as I can in the unit. JROTC is one of the best decisions I've ever had. I work. I started towards the end of August. I work at Mc'Donalds, the one on state, across the street from Fred Meyers & Kmart.  I always told myself: "I will never work at fast food". But look, I'm working fast food & I actually enjoy my job. I love my coworkers, & it pays well. At least for fast food.

So yeah, like I said in the beginning there isn't a lot to say about me. Just an average 16 year old. I go to school & work. Nothing special. But Some things you should know. I am emotional on specific subjects. If depression, suicide, ETC.  Are mentioned in class i may either stand up & leave the class,  I might also speak up about the topic. Certain things I feel strongly about, & i will voice my own opinion. Even if no one wants to hear it. But I also get anxiety. My anxiety makes me shut down. I get shaky and very quiet. So if I say "my anxiety is acting up." Then please don't push me do to do stuff. That's the only thing i think i need to tell you that's major about me.

P.s I apologize that this is very late. I do not normally write about myself so thats why this took so long.