One

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I push,

my forehead

hard,

against the harsh

cold

glass.


Music drums through my earbuds

and into my body

keeping me warm.


Keeping me distracted.


Keeping me safe.


Keeping me hidden.


Austin shouts.

Dad argues.

Dad shouts.

Austin Argues.

Austin shouts.

I argue.

Dad argues.

Austin argues.

I suffocate.

They yell.


I disappear.

It goes unnoticed.

Like my pain.

Like my thoughts.

Like my mind.

Like my heart.


(~)



I lie

on my back

letting the fan,


cool me,


conceal me,


forgive me,


and


forget me.


Sia Radio

on Pandora

drums in my head


suffocates my

suicidal thoughts

helps


to make them


shut the hell up.


Breathing.

In

Out

In

Out

In

Out.


Rhythmic.


Focus,

no focus.


Hold tight.


Let go.


Breathe in.

Breathe out.


Just breathe.


Just exist.


Just want.


Just awake.


Just think.


Just dream.


Just observe.


Just live.


I picture

a blank room

that fills itself,

with enchanting beauties.


Books,

art of all kinds,

great music,

and

relaxation.


Beautiful.


So. Damn. Beautiful.


I want it.


I want it so bad and I can't have it

so I must live without it.


Listen, focus, on the bass.


Listen, focus, on every note.


Listen, focus, on every lyric.


Live.


Breathe.


Suffocate.


Repeat.


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